sigh..actually i did up my blog in jac's house on saturday one!!then dunno how come is not posted up!!*hymph*..well okay okay summary arh..a quick quick one..
well sat met up wif johnston for my chem studying..well taught me a little on moles..darn i hate the moles!!it kills man!*wat the heavens*..hahhaa..well oh yah..i forgotten to tell you i decided to change my language..well tt's another long story..okay i shan't tok about it..yeah..so yeah..hmm..nxt..met up wif jac, skye n jinghan..well jac n skye needs to settle the electric guit's payment..well so yeah decided to follow them..then slag at the store wor..hahaha..then yah kept walking in n out machiam like our own store like tt wor..hahaha...crappy us..well yeah..they finally gt their guits..well happy was both of them...hahaha..is like duh..whu won't take it as their bao bei right?*hahaha*..yeah..anyway..after suntec..we headed to art frend..cos didi wanted to see sum things..yah..then brought her there to haf an eye opening session...hahaa..yeah..intro to her things n wat are the uses..hahhaa..so funny...hhahahaa...
well jac n i parted wif skye n jinghan at artfriend as we both needed to attend cellgroup..yeah..then head dwn to bugis..wanted to take a bus home..but both of us was so dead tired*y?been out the whole day n walked alot*..yeah..then jac decided tt we take a cab instead..yeah..slept in the cab for awhile to catch sum sleep..hahaha..boy was i feeling much better..but still lack of sleep..yeah..well then reached jac house in 25 minutes..yeah...then went up to jac's rm to haf a bathe then out came me the gd smelling one!!hahahaha....*crap*..anyway..had bbQ..then yeah..during the dinner had this playing of ball session..so fun!!they actually had this netball hoop..y?cos hannah is a netballer..hahaha..yeah yeah..well she is sure gd!hmm..then headed up to jac's rm to slag for awhile..enjoy aircon..then almost falling asleep le wor..cos the aircon was directly blowing at me..hahaha...then used her laptop..yeah..then yah...like tt..then carlise hannah n wendy headed to jac rm also..look look yeah..then off al of us headed hm..heehee...tt's all lorh..tiring but enjoyable day!..


as for today...well today my brother was the worship leader n when it's his turn to lead..it would be my turn to play the baby grand piano..well yesh yesh..it sounds elegant..but wait a minute..the pianist ain't elegant..i played wrongly so many times!!n summore at the last song i suddenly stopped n i didn't noe how to play..cos i didnt catch my brother''s signal..haiz..then lost..then stop...haiz..*bang walls*...sorry guys!!had to make you pple put up wif all these..sorry....*apologise*..


after the praise n worship..


i was surprise to see jac in church..cos yesterday she told me tt she is going to work today..yeah..but apparently i guess she woke up late tt's y..yeah..well..nvrm..but it was sure nice for her to come n support me..heehee..*smiles smiles*..yeah..


then after church service...


then headed to u.philip's house for lunch..well boy oh boy..he cook well man!!heehee..enjoyed his food alot!!heehee...although gt chilli inside..hehee..but i still enjoyed it..yeah!..had soup*yummy*..heehee..then hannah n jac n a.agnes also joined us..well jac had problem taking out all the onions n chilli padi..hahaa..then me gt to help her..you should see her face..her ears went red..hahahaha...*cute cute*..so ke ai!hahahhaa...then took ice for her to cool her dwn..wahahaha...then yeah..after all the eating..slag around n had a gd chat wif hannah..yeah..hahaha...then played the scissors paper stone game..when the loser has to suffer a smack by the other player..hahaha...everyone was ouching for us bcos of the sound..hahaha..but nah..it wasn't really pain...i played onces wif my frend..boy boy..she smack really hard n instantly i had blood clot..hahaha..*Smiles*..yeah..tt pain..well..yeah..took photo..then yah..then it was time to head hm...


sat in a.agnes's car..then she bought for us a duck..hahaha..*quack quack*..yeah..then jac told me tt her mummy found out about her guit le..well..yah..kanna scolded..so..haiz..but..well is better to let mummy find out eariler than later pa?i dunno..well lac la alright?dun let it affect you..just jam n play it well!!yeah!!haf passion n interest in it!you will excel!alrighto?yeah!!...well..then yesh..back then bought for jac a packet of duck rice..hahaha then made hannah all jealous..n hannah told me tt she is those kind tt will count those calarioes one wor..aiyo!..so particular about all these...hahaha..well nvrm..then off we headed hm...


back at hm..i slept like a baby..hahaha while it was raining..man i was happy tt it rain though i wasn't able to enjoy watching the rain..heehee...yeah..tt's about it..i gt alot of h/w to complete..n i'm getting sleepy again..haiz..toodles..*slaps myself*...

Os levels result being released...full of


regrets inside me...



well..this morning i had this really pleasant n sweet surprise from sum1..hahahhaa...well so sweet man!!ai si ni le!!thanks for the surprise ar..n you went thru so much just to gib me tt nice surprise despite the tiredness!!*muacks muacks*..hahahhaa...man you're the best!!!....


today school was really super boring..i couldnt wait to rush home..well during the last few periods..i saw all my classmates...man i mished them terribly man!!haiz..i really mish them soooo mUch!!!..haiz...well..if i had taken art then i won't haf to retain..*stupid me*..haiz...*bangs lots of walls*..haiz..n i'll be outa tt bloody school!*fed up*...haiz..well i shall strife hard for this last yr..well this yr the results sure did give me alot of pressure...haiz...lit gt alot pple obtain a distintion..yeah..n moreover..the average of every student is 14.1..haiz..n this yr our school obtain a 91% pass..yeah...not bad la..90% i tink can enter JCs..yeah..well tt include polys too of course..by seeing the percentage scares me..plus wat my teacher said today..*haiz..+ shake heads+...can just jump dwn n commit suiside already....so much for dying...


after school i rushed back home to do my strawberries n chocolate...hahahaha...i was so clumsy..hahaa..i tell you..whuever eats is sure get disguished by the sight of it..it's totally outa shape...thinking tt it's kinda tidy?let me tell you n say..it's not..it's totally a mess...so pple pls dun kill me the moment you see it alright?pls pls dun dun...*begs*..this is my very first attempt..n i can say i'm a failure n whuever takes me in my F&N sure bound to fail this girl here tt had actually obtain a mark of 80+ in the past..see the diff?i must say tt the older you get..the more useless you are....so the morale of the story..when you learnt how to cook..nv stop doing it..or else you'll end up like me..making a mess outa everything n the kitchen..


hahahaha..well finally it is all done..now is on the plate n it's sticking to one another..later i'll haf to like hmmm..cut them?wahahhaa...*wink wink*..shhhHHh..those read my blog le dun tell pple tml during cellgroup alright?shhhh..hahahaha...*crawls away*..wahahhaa....shh..can't wait for tml..tml gt BBQ..well n guess wat..i am dying to haf a BBQ..boy it is going to be so fun!!hahahhaa...*jumping up n dwn*..hahahhaa...*Hugs everyone!!*...


i'm feeling all happy inside out..
everything is turning out well
but...
not for my studies...
i hope thru all the encourage i will be able to pull thru
n be a 14 pointer?
i hope..
studying hard hard!!
jia you!!

heehee...finally i gt this song..man i'm so in love wif this song..on the radio i had been like waiting for this song..hahaha...yesterday at macs..then they played this song..heehee..boy boy i was happy...!*smiling from ear to ear*..i was dancing along wif the beat sia!*happy*...toxic toxic..i love toxic!!...


hmm..yesterday after school...when home had my bathe then i rushed off to euodia's house to haf my violin tuned..boy my violin was running loose!the stings were superly outa tune..well..hahaha wif the expert's touch..everything went well!!hahaha..n now i can proudly say my violin is tuned!!!..well..i learnt how to hold my violin properly..learnt how to hold a bow properly..then..how to slot the violin under my neck..n also i had to like practise my skills n fingering..(getting the hang of it already)..yeah..*clap claP*...yeah..then went home after dinner..then practise..then practise until my jaw tt bone now is very pain..machiam like gt blueblack..sigh..well..lucky today i gt my shoulder rest le..but sad to say is not the one tt i wanted..well nvrm la..can use can already..well..if i gt money then me will go get a better one..yeah..well tt will be after settling my debt tt i owe my mummy..well..yeah..apparently my phone bill shot up to 80+..n my mum is really unhappy about it..n to punish me..she confiscates my phone..*nice punishment isn't it?*..watever..


NEXT


well..today in the morning my mother tired waking me 3 times n i couldn't get up..well..seriouly i'm lacking of sleep due to the atrocious school i'm attending..i can't even get a tinge of proper rest man!!*dying*..well..then my mother finally came wif a sentence tt woke me up really up on my feet which is"you today dun need to go school ar?"...boy after hearing tt..i sprang up on my feet..i was alittle later than the normal time i need to wake up..well but i wasn't late...i walked breezly to the bus stop n gt my bus..*yeah*..well..then had lessons..then i was really tired...almost fell asleep..n anyway wat's new?i always been sleeping now n then..*oh man..isn't tt bad*?hahaha..then...yeah..i gt home had my lunch n i plopped on my bed..n felt deep into sleep..boy boy..tt was how sleepy i was..anyway..today i gt back my english paper..well though i didn't pass..but i am happy to annouce tt i had improved..well i obtain 23.5 upon 50..well actually i could haf gotten 24..but apparently i didn't haf enough time to complete counting..i left tt part out n my teacher penalised me..well..bad isn't it?haiz..well i gt to be more careful then..hahhaa...


well..i gtg le..my irritating brother wans to use the computer...*arghhhh*...*blaghs n shrugs*...heehee..okay toodles everyone!!*sleepy head is signing off*....


love.love.love.love.love.love..i'm so in love wif toxic....

TOXIC


by britney spears


Baby, can't you see
I'm calling
A guy like you should wear a warning
It's dangerous
I'm falling

There's no escape
I can't wait
I need a hit
Baby, give me it
You're dangerous
I'm loving it

Too high
Can't calm down
Losin' my head
Spinnin' 'round and 'round
Do you feel me now?

-Chorus-
With the taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic I'm slippin' under (Ohh Ohh)
With a taste of the poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

It's getting late
To give you up
I took a sip
From a devil's cup
Slowly, it's taking over me

Tonight
Can't calm down
It's in the air and it's all around
Can you feel me now?

-Chorus-
With the taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic I'm slippin' under (Ohh Ohh)
With the taste of the poison paradise
I'm addicted to you
Don't you know that you're toxic?
And I love what you do
Don't you know that you're toxic?

Intoxicated now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now
Intoxicated now
With your lovin' now
I think I'm ready now

Parable of the rose


A certain man planted a rose and watered it faithfully and befor it blossomed, he examined it. Her saw the bud that would soon blossom, but noticed thorns upon the stem and he thought


HOw can any beautiful flower come from a plant burdened with so many sharp thorns?


Saddened by this though, he neglacted to water the rose, and before it is ready to bloom, it died


So it is with many pple. within every soul there is a rose- The God-like qualities planted in us at birth growing amid the thorns of our faults. Many of us look at ourselbes and see only the thorns, the defects. We despair; thinking that nth gd can possibly come from us. We neglect to wated the good within us, and eventually it dies. We never realise our potential


some pple do not see the rose within themselves; someone else must show it to them. One of the greatest gifts a person can possess is to be able to reach past the thorns and find the rose within others.


This is the characteristic of love. To look at a person and know their true faults. Accepting that person into ur life, while recognising the nobility in their soul. Help them to realise tt they can overcome their faults. If we show them the rose, they will conquer their thorns. ONly then will they blossom many times over.




isn't this passage nice?well i gt this from skye's webbie..thanks didi for the long conversation over MSn...well really wann thank didi for comforting me..tell me tt when i need an listening ear i can always turn to her..thanks for telling me tt pple still appreciate me n not neglact me..thanks for everything..i owe you one didi!!*hugs*..hahaha...


well today was a day of tired+horrible+absurd+outrages..yeah..so terrible isn't it?well..partly it was contributed by my crazy n screw losing n terrible mood swings parnter of mine..well today i didn't even do anything to provoke her..anything to whack her..i didn't even touch nor speak to her...she angry wif me...*God noes y*..man i was angry lorh..gib me tt kinda attitude n face!!*can't take it*..well i was like scolding n scolding lorh..wat the hell n heavens is wrong wif tt lady!!She PMS arh?aiyo!!..well she only gt better after our maths test..toking about maths test..it was really horrible..ms doreen lau set one wor!!so difficult..n moreover we didn't haf anough time to finish it..the paper was like..haiz..dunno..just praying hard i wont fail..it seems impossible tt i'll pass..yah just praying for the impossible..hahaha..yeah..after tt had chinese enrichment course..hahaha..thank God we didnt haf to write compo..yeah...hahaha..well yeah...


i'm feeling just so dwn n say...


can i compress everything?can sum1 brainwash me?haiz...the hurts i'm gibing to pple is unbearable for pple to take it..i'm so........

well..today ms gan nv come(my e maths teacher n my school Discipline mistress)...yeah..for God noes wat reason..but i'm sure all of us was really happy..the whole class was all jolly happy n merry..ahahha..yeah..the class was so noisy man!my frend jess n heather n sharon n her clique were all singing song..hahhaa...okay...


yeah..then is like yah..our english teacher is not in school today too...n guess whu came in?MRs B lim..wat the hell n heavens?then we had to like submit the newsweek questions n answer..yah...then i didn't complete it..then almost kanna scolded..well actually not completely didn't do..is just didn't finish one section..yah..so..NEXT...


today went to OMS wif heather didi n then wif jess..heather n i ate tom yam maggie noodles..yah...tok tok tok then went back le..yah..then had my art club..well this time no glue is involved but it was paint!!yah..well we painted a camel..hahaha..boy it was really cute...it has this adult n baby camel standing together..yah...then yah..mrs ong made me do the toning n also to train me up to get me all prepared for my O levels..well i sure did haf a gd practise under her care n teaching...yah..well i'm glad tt the camel we did is coming out all nicely...yah..happy wif it..


hahaha...yeah..toodles everyone..hahaha...*Muacks*

sum1 find for me rat




poison?




i feel like dying

heehee..well boy oh boy..today was really a tiring day man!!+sigh+..well i'm having muscle aches n my legs are all aching like hell!!*sum1 help me!!!*...argh...watever..moving on to wat happened today...yah...


moving on


well..today went out for flag day..man this flag day was one of the funniest flag day n the most horrible day....hahhahaa...very tiring i must say..


well..first we started at united square..there was not a single soul there!!gosh..it's so deserted..well DUH..it's in the morning..hahaha...yeah..as the hours n minutes n seconds fly..we gt lazier n lazier..hahaha..hey..but in the first place we didnt even did our best to like ask pple to donate..yeah..tt's y our cans were not really full..but anyway..our first doner was this kind lady..she donated $2 to all of us..yeah..but sum were really mean..they just walk off w/o saying anything..how rude!!..*hoping mad*..well we gt really desperate after 3 hours...hahaha..really..we went begging at everyone we see..hahaha..but lucky they didn't avoid us..i must say it was better than the previous flag day i did..yeah...tt time i was at orchard..n actually the whole street was filled wif pple..after we swarm there...wah..hahaha...incredible..the whole lane was all empty..hahaha..well yeah...


okay..we headed to several places..*we sound like we're mad women*..hahaha..we first headed to untited sq..then to yishun..then to suntec..then to marine sq..then back to novena..yah..then in all the mrt trains..cassandra was one crazy mad person..she goes round sketching pple n scaring them away..*gosh*..hahhaa...we really had a hard time eyeing n not letting her lose..yah..crazy n mad job to do..at the end of the day boy all of us were all dead tired...really tired...hahahah..rested at burger king..then headed to marine sq..well then we were again back on our feets to do all the asking..hahahhaa....then yah..this kind auntie from the stall donated $2..hahaha..yeah..well actually on tt day i received about 3 2 dollar notes..yah..well cool huh..hahaha...well..actually not really alot..the last flag day i recieved a 10 dollar note...yeah!!hahahaha..yeah..hahhaa...hmm..well yeah...


went out wif jac..then she went to see things..then me go accompany her..yeah..actually was at raffles place..then yah..i saw strawberries then an idea popped up in my head..i wanted to make strawberries tt are coated in chocolates..hahaha..then she also wants to try..wahahaha..well..yeah..reserving sum for her..well n so will hannah gets it..n so will skye didi n jinghan gets it..wahahaha...*happy happy*...heeheee....yeah..then at raffles place cannot find the melting chocolate..yeah..then is like i said suntec haf..then we headed there..yeah...hahaha..then finally found it..gt everything..yeah...*actually i haben start work yet*..wahahhaa....so..pple wanna taste my cooking...wait alittle longer..after this wk..i'll do it on friday..wahahhaa...promise!*hahahah*..yeah...took a 133 bus..then headed for home..yeah..boy oh boy..both of us were tired n specially our legs..poor jac she injuried her leg..she fell dwn from the stairs..poor girl..*sayang sayang*..hahaha..*hugs hugs*..yeah..well you gt to take care okay?be guai go see sensei..yah..guai okay??you wan then me pei you la okay girl?hahaha..you tc yeah?
yeah..tt's about it...


happy as i am..i noe how to play amazing grace n twinkle twinkle little star for a start..well not bad sia?*wink*..wahahhaa..yeah..anyway.....yah...


y am i so useles...
haiz...
i can't even make anyone happy...
haiz...
does anyone knows where to find a poison tt doesn't taste anything n the effect is great n effective?sum1 tell me..okay?
or maybe tell me where to get rat poison...?
i wanna kill myself...


toodles

i'm crying over spilled


milk

man today biology test was simply the worse shit tt happened in my life..well i'm still sad about it..i'm now all worried if i will pass the test..haiz..*sighing*..well its now all fated in God's hands..hahhaa...well but i must say i put in all my heart mind n soul into it..yah..well so hope my hard work won't go into the drain..yah..today i also had my compo test..this time we was asked to write a narrative story..boy oh boy..i wrote it like how i'm putting my entry on my blog..my style of writting is simply too informal n i bet my teacher will be marking me down for tt..well wat is done is already done..can't help but crying?nah..i wont..I'm having muscle aches all over me..i can't laugh can't run, can't do everything properly..i'm feeling so invalid n disable..haiz


well..today i didn't haf any art club...man am i grateful tt i won't haf to go..bcos if it does..it will start at 3.30 n ends at 5.30..when i reach home..it would be nearing 6..i'll be all dead tired..n drained out..i ended my lessons at 1.45 n off i headed to serangoon central to replace my stationaries..bought a black pen n a blue highlighter..yah..well..then decided to get my lunch..yah..had alot...man i was bloated n i was like a pufferfish..hahahaha...ohoh..did i say tt puffer fish are cute?hahaha..*grins*..


today nth really happen..yah...


i promise myself i'll nv enter a step into ur blog ever again..
y does it still hurt whenever you mention sumthings?
y cant tt feeling just fade n die?
i'm going crazy soon
i'm feeling stress
shoot me in my head
stab me
kill me
slaughter me
throw me
punch me
chop me
sumbody do sumthing to me!!!!!
Y can't you treasure me as much as you treasure her?????
y can't you?
I hate you for the rest of my life!!
i hate you to the CORE!!!!
*screaming at the top of my voice*
i'm so tired of living such a life
sumone kill me..................................


i hate you for the rest of my life..i hate you for not treasuring me..i hate you for being so fake towards me..i hate every inch of you..i hate every part of you...i nv ever want to hear about you n i nv ever want to see you again....

finally the matter is over well..now heather n i in toking terms le...yah..well finally i can see the sunlight!!*gosh it's so bright*..hahaha...yah..but things are simply just doing fine..well now is concentrating much on my studies...man i must say..my darn english is simply not moving at all..my teacher had a small conversation wif me today..yah..n she said my english was simply terrifying n it's worring...*faints*..well i was planning to take the school's english tuition tt would be on the saturday..yah...


today in school i saw alica at our school bus stop..then she was like telling me things..yah..had a great time catching up wif one another..gt sum infor about my frends..well i surely mish them..haiz..how i wish there would be like a class gathering or sumthing you noe..yah..tt would really be fun n enjoyable..but for now...i haf to concentrate on my studies n nothing else..yeah..


tomolo i haf 2 test which will be bio n eng..haiz..well its really worrying..i haben touch on my bio yet..yah..so wat the hell..okay..i better get myself offline..n yah..start my studies..or else i really dun need to sleep already..hahaha..okay i love you pple!!*muacks*...


specially for skye didi...well hey you must take lots of care alright?dun fall sick le..drink more water..yah?*hugs*..get well soon....

Get me out

nth much really happened just tt outa the blue in the midst of our PE lessons..we had this outrages fire drill!!*gosh*..well yah..kinda happy tt actually tt happened cos we was supposed to do the long jump n happen it was almost coming to my turn..hahhaa..then the fire drill happened!wahahaha....*wink*..hahaha..anyway..yah..tt's sumthing special n unique tt happened..


next..


yeah..today my english teacher suddenly said tt we're going to haf our EIA..even though we're not going to haf our english journeylist couse..so watever..yah...told jac outside school then yah..went back to haf my lessons..yeah..well jac n i tok tok tok..then i reached hm at abt 6..yah...had my bathe..went to bed for my nap..woke up at 10..then up again..i had my dinner..n wah la..i started my literature studying..man it was horrible..i hate the thinking of last minute studying..but wat can i say?life had been really rough for me...my bio test i barely touched it even i started n finished on drugs already..my art..is simply the killer..i can't seem to find a spare minute to attend to my art..last yr i had all the time in the world..n my art grades will be declining soon as the days weeks n months pass by....yah...oh..well i better start pulling up my socks..be it to lose my sleep n be a zombie...i care not...


y only when i'm not there n when tt person is wif sum1 else then they realise their mistakes?
y can't i be the one enjoying everything?
y must i suffer everyone's business?
y must i burden everything on my own?
does any1 noe?i doubt it...
am i just a well known anger bag to pple?
or am i just like a tissue...?
after the big situation is over..they will just throw me aside?
just a spare tye?
so even if one day i die...will any1 remember me for my gd pts n understand me inside out?
am i tt useless?
y does everyone take me for granted just bcos i overly care?
when will pple take me seriously?
haiz..or maybe i should just turn back to my old life tt work quite well for me?
cutting?
drinking?
i gib up..
my life is just a messed up
i hate everyone in the world!
see wat they did to me
n wat i had become
they rob me from my care love n everything
everyone is taking me for granted..
i trying to gib my best to let them feel tt i care..but apparently tt care was taken for granted n they nv treasure wat i did for them...
no1 cares for me...
no1 bothers....


seriously if i was to be given a choice?i rather haf a perfect life..i cannot take those trials n shit anymore..GOd just gibe me a perfect life where everything is so perfectly fine...i'm going to die soon...


causality: anastasia
cause: running low on care love n concern
life span: predicted about 2 more yrs
medical treatment: feed me wif love
currently condition : on drips to sustain life/ critical
heart beat: weak..fading n dying soon
Best solution: shower me wif endless love

well..hmm...things hadnt been really going thr right way..n things hadnt been turning out the way i tired to plan..this makes me understand y life is sumtimes incontrollable..haiz..fated to be?or should i say, my life is just a ruin..?


another day of much heartaches n of much pain...yah...had sum note passing during lesson wif didi...trying hard to solve things out...yah..but apparently i'm still really confuse after reading her blog..yah..should i nt care so much n blurt everything out?i cannot take it anymore...haiz..really..i'm going to xplode...here i go
i also dun haf the courage to face you..n when i was just toking to you..i feel awkard..i dunno y..but it seems tt we had just ran outa things to tok...things wasn't like tt in the past..but wat's really happening tt things is starting to turn out tt way?is it bcos both of us haf our burdens to care for?though you're trying to act fine infront of me..but i noe wat's actually going thru ur heart...you're not wei nan-ing me..indeed tt over is over..but i dun wan bcos of tt past matter tt affect us now..i dun wish to lose any1 n i'm not prepared to do tt..nor haf any intention to do tt..


this word promise seems to be the hardest thing to be kept on earth isn't it?i myself had already broken many promises n unknowingly hurt many many pple just bcos of tt 1 promise..y does this word promise have such a strong impact?bcos when you make a promise to sum1?you're assuring tt person sumthing..n to a human being..having assurance is sumthing tt concern n touches on the word "trust"..this word trust is hard to use..bcos when you say you trust..do you really do it?or is it just for a front?
dun try to look as if you move on...i wanna see the real side of you..i dun wan anymore acts..i just wan to noe the real n inner you..wat you're suffering..you're not alone..okay?at least let me noe..if ever one day you haf tt courage to tell me everything...yah?memories had brought so many gd things together..treasure them as how i did 4 my whole life of memories...


haiz..though i may seem happy on the outside..but no1 noes wat's happening in the inside...nvrm...i'll still say..no1 understands me...really...i'll just continue gibing..until one day my care love concern attention for pple runs dry..then maybe tt's when i drop dead n die infront of everyone...


y does a human feel a cut when they feel sad?
when can things ever turn out my way?will tt even happen?
am i a bad person?
wat's wrong wif me?
y am i always hurting pple unknowingly in the midst when i try to protect them?
y do i feel the hurt after reading ur blog?
y can't i be the one standing by you to help you thru?
y can't i give anyone assurance of my ability?


haiz..so many questions running pass me...


when will ever things be right?n when will i stop hurting pple?n when will i then haf the courage to face you?

haiz...today is a sad day..haiz...wat's wrong wif me????+arghhhh+...im hurting pple again...haiz...
i'm really sorry i had an answer as a no..as much as i dun wan to gib tt answer to you..i just had to..i dun wan things btw you n her to get worse..i dun wan you to haf a conflict btw you both...haiz...i'm sorry to make you cry...really sorry..i noe how many sorries i say..it won't affect anything..cos my answer is no..n i had hurt you deeply...i'm really sorry..i dun bcos when i step into the picture then things just go havoc..n making the matter go worse..n all 4 of us will be totally unhappy about it....to prevent it..i just had to...really sorry..but i hope you won't gib me a cold shoulder..i still wanna care n be concern over you..everytime sumthing happens to you..i wanna be there to comfort you..but you just didnt wanna confine in me..i noe from the beginning it was already my fault of the mistake...really...but since it's already done..i dun wan to make a further mistake n cos greater hurt btw you 2...jo is those easily jealous type..i dun wan thing to get outa hand..really really sorry..i hope i'll be able to still be best frends wif you..share the joys n worries n sorrows..i just wanna see you happy then i'll be happy le...yah...dun cry le okay?i'll still be by urside...


today i gt art club..then until 5.30..yah..tiring...well..anyway..i had glue all over my fingers nn guess wat..my pointer finger had a cut..yah...then the glue yeah..went over the wound..hope i dun get infection..i had my wound wash wif soap..yeah...then yeah...off i went home..then be4 art club starts..grace n yulian come find me...then yah..had to write a letter n to tell her everything..haiz....*haiz...hope so*....

WAT IS WRONG WITH ME????now a days i can't seem to concentrate in watever i do..my mind would simply just wonder off...haiz..*bang walls*..well i really dunno how to get my concentration back..i'm feeling all upset n gloomy..haiz...i wanna say a sorry for wat i did to you tt made you so upset..by not keeping my promises..well really really sorry..although i noe tt saying a sorry won't work..haiz..but...haiz..i....haiz.....*walks away*..

today went to bras besar alone..then gt the V day gifts for my classmates..yah..well today i recieved alot of chocolates n sweets..but not a rose..*sigh*...hahaha...nah...dun need a rose..it's the thot tt counts isn't it?*wink*..i'm munching on an an apple...hungry arh..had only 4 slices of bread...yah...
continuing...then..gt back hm...started doing the V day gifts...yah...oh shoot..i jus remember tt i haf 2 make the bell for this sunday"s chuch service...die le...i better get it done by tomolo night..need go get the paper...

anyway..i gt more v day presents to make..gtg//byebye

well..hmm..another long day at school..today i was actually suppose to be dwn for heats..but hmm...decided to be a rebellious kid n there i go..hahhaa..i pun it..well actually many pple in my class didn't attend also la..so if i go or do not go..it doesn't make any differences..n beside it was a force thing...tt stupid idoitic moron tini sign the whole bloody house up for the mass run sia..+pissed off+..just bcos she wanna gain pts for the house?each student tt participates gain 1 pt..n if they complete 1.5km..they will get another extra of 1 more pts...this is really lame..whu wanna do tt?+shake head+..everyone's plan is already all so packed..whu would haf the time to go join?+shake heads+..yeah...now i'm listening a song called not ready to say gdbye..heather didi sent me the song..nice nice...hahahaa...hmm..the melody is so nice!!


hmm..well...wonder where i went?i went out wif sharon n michelle..yeah..to get Vday present..yeah!hahhahaa..well the funniest thing is tt each of us returning hm dead broke..hahaha..when sharon wanted to get the net..then she nt enough money then so cute lorh..ahahha..each of us empty our pockets..hahaha..then give her money..wahahhaa..so funny lorh..man i really enjoyed myself today..we went to get bottles..yeah..hahaha..each had the common idea..whahahhaa...+wink+..PL girls think alike..well wat to do?PL ma..hahahhaa...unite we stand..yeah!+wink+...yeah..oh i forgotten tt we went to hougang mall..yeah..haben been tt place for the longest time..well it haben change a tinge at all..except there is a new MRt..yeah...then after buying everything..yah..then michelle parted first...then sharon n i stayed to haf alitte chat..yeah...then after soon..at 5..both of us parted..yeah...then took a train..yeah..n in the train i was like daydreaming all the time..n i was thinking of so many things...things just ran thru my mind..so many things..haiz..well..yah..okay i gtg le..
love you..+muacks muacks+

I can't seem to shake off


the pessimistic world in me


And i seem to be falling back


in

everyone...i'm back...well just taking a break from all my studying..guess wat..i just realised tt my blog is really in a big fat mess..+i cant take messyness...well i admit tt sumtimes i may get messy at times..yeah..yeah..watever+...well..one day i shall go tidy it up!gd idea everyone?haiz..well no1 will answer me..cos no1 reads it+sob sob+..sad case la..hmm..then in this case should i stop bloggin?+looking for an answer on my face?beats me..i myself dunno..y not you help me find out?gd idea?+..hahaha..haiz..my day had been confusing..


let me begin


today during class..didi wrote me a note..was kinda shocked..yah..but anyway..well it was pleasant to recieve it anyway..yeah..well the conversation went well..yah..things were okay on my side..but i doubt it on didi's side..well poor didi...she is sick...Oh...this reminds me tt i'm suppose to pass her strepcils tomolo for her sore throat..she has this sexy voice now..ahahhaa..n she can't seem to get her voice back..yah..poor girl!..well then anyway..back..yah...


is there anything you wanna say to me?i feel there is...i dunno really...tt's predicted from my gut feelings...is there anything you really wanna tell me but dare not say?nvrm..when you're ready then you come tell me okay?well yeah..


today we had eng course..well opps..we actually made the teacher really angry wif our class..cos no1 was actually paying close attention to wat she was toking..every1 focus was more in the heats..than her lessons..besides no1 had the mood n the attention to listen this is bcos our classrm is located nxt to the track n the heats is located there..ya..so you can imagine how much noise they generated..yah!..irritating actually..oh bother..well...continuing on..tomolo will be our english retest..yeah..the whole corhott did so badly for eng tt every1 had to retake it..hoping tt our eng marks would improve..yeah...


Life had been really rough..n i'm now travelling on a rocky road..when will my journey end to travel on a smooth road?
will it take months?years?or maybe even never?
how does everyone find each happiness?
y do i keep feeling i'm insecure?
y do i keep compromising wif pple?
Y do i consistantly care for pple when i noe tt care will nv come back?
y do i love those pple when i cant get them?
y do i get confused?
y am i so frickle minded?
y are tinges of hurt still lingering in my heart?
when will the truth be out?
do love really exist or is it just an illusion?
am i turning cold?
am i heartless?
y am i always pretending things are alright n consuming all the pressure n stress when things aint going tt way?
Y aint i able to cry anymore?
y can't i laugh whole heartedly already no matter how hard i tried...?
wat is becoming of me?
will i ever turn into a monster tt no1 recognise?
y often i fall in traps?
y am so naive?
y am i always trying to act happy when inside actually im not?
putting on tt smile makes me feel hypocritical..
Y cant i express my feelings outwardly already?is it gone?or has it been killed by J**?
y has my heart die..?
or has it been stolen?or even lost?
y cant i start loving pple the way i use to again?
has tt deep hurt cos me all these?

back at home..well today was really a rough day!!boy..it was sure tiring n all sleepy for me..i'm feeling so overly stressed up n stretched..i just can't take the pressure anymore..in any minute n in any second..i'll just xplode at anyone..argh!!+steam is coming outa me already n i'm feeling sleepy again+....oh man!!+slap myself awake+..


anyway..i had my art club today..well at first i thot it would sure be all boring n sian..but nevertheless..our art club activities nv fail to be fun filled!!hahaha..yeah!!we did paper macay...i dunno how to spell it..it's like a process when you use lots of bits n pieces of paper..n stick it on sumthing wif lots n lots of glue..hahaha..well regina suvita n i did one jug..hahaha..well it was really fun..cos we had all the glue on our hands..hahaha..quite disguisting but it was just pure fun..hahaha..yeah..had everything cleared up n then i stayed back for alittle while for our committee member meeting..then regina n suvita waited for me..so sweet...hahaa..then we went home together..yeah!!..hahaha..off i went home..then watched alittle tV..took out my chinese h/w to complete..then had my dinner...then all of a sudden..my maths tuitor pop outa no where..i forgotten tt i told him i wanted tuition today..+stupid me+..i gt so many dates to remember until i forgotten everything..n making me so extreme blur..haiz..the cannot do anything..haf to haf my tuition...believe me!!..i was all dead n tired n smelly!!cos i haben bathE!!!+screamS on top of my voice+..then i had to tahun n try hard to open my eyes during tuition when its really hard..my eyes went so dry n i was yawning like sum old donkey..haiz..then after tuition..i was so tired tt i lie flat on my bed then i felt asleep..yeah i noe i'm all smelly..but i was really tired..i couldnt do anything but to sleep...yeah..n then gt up had my bathe n here i am..yah!!..hahaha...
okay..it's getting pretty late...tt;s all for today
hey lisa..thanks for the meal n the neocard you treated me..n also the offer!!hahaha..thanks giRL! you rock!+wink+....
tt's all folks
byebye..

heyhey pple..now in school library..+sian+..before you anyhow think..well im not slacking..i must repeat..i'm not slacking..well i'm here to do sum art research on drugs..sigh..well cos y?i didn't do it at home..n now i gt to do it here..n the stupid school only has this one printer in the library..+argh+....agitated already..well n guess wat..i cannot do the printin...+wow..so great+...sigh..i'm really hungry now..+stomach groaning+..hahahaa..well yeah..it's hungry you heard my stomach!!..hahaha


anyway..well continuing on from yesterday's outing wif my family..hmm..for dinner we had steamboat..hahhaa..well finally i get to eat the shellfishes.hahahhaa..well..i gt this great craving n i was like "mum when can you like get them for me...cos i wanna wat to eat it.."..hahahaa..+yummy+..well..yeah!!sigh today i art club n i gt to stay like until 5.30..yeah..n today we're making props for the musical..!!arh!!!God help me!!!i'm like so busy..n guess wat..my busyness causes me to stop studying n be just plain lazy!!oh well!!..+argh+..i dunno how to manage my time!!sum1~~teach me!!!...


sigh sigh...okay okay..i tink i'll get outa here..hahaha..after teacher pop by..i'll be slaughtered alive!!hahahhaa...


Toodles

hahaha..finally finally finally i gt myself a VIOLIN!!!!....man i'm really happy about it!!+screamming on top of my voice!!I'm happy!!!+...hahahaha...
actually the original pricing was $120...but then cos my dad noes tt person..so he gave me a 30% dicount n i gt it for $84..well very worth it neh!!hahaha..then moreover..i'm in love wif the colouR!!!..n besides it's polished!!..yeah!!...
yeah!!my violin now is only one day old..hahaha...+duh+...
gt gd news for jac tt tt shop actually sells a left handed electric guitar..n it only cost $280..it is like cheap sia..cos everywhere she goes to find..it cost more than 500..yeah...hahahaa..she must be jumping for joy now...anyway..stocks will be in i tink sumwhere nxt month...


anyway..i gt my specs fix..finally n tomolo i can wear it already..+muacks+..hahaha..yeah!!


when to bras besar to get jess n leona's TYS..yah..haiz...sians..i gt to go all the way there to get it..+argh+..nvrm..whu call i so kind..hahaha..BHB!!..watever..so..yah...i'll get paid tml..hahaha..anyway..must charge them transportation fee too!!hahahhaa...


I"m feeling all happy n really merry..hahaha..i'm on top of the world..today didi's competition..well i didn't get a chance to go there to support her..+sigh..feeling all guilty n mean+..didi..i offically apologise to you+sorry+...well..i hope you did win..n hope you're celebrating ur victory....okay..tt's all for today..

nothing really happen..just tt today had a long chat wif enodia after our health check up..yah..well it was totally scary..though we didn't get ourselves poked by needles..but..stil..we heard tt our spines has to haf a check..n the way they will be checking would be the removal of our PE shirts or blouse..argh...i just feel so eeky all over me when i heard about tt...cos in the previous yrs..i had my spine checked..n my left part of my spine has this 3 degree bend..yah..well then the nxt yr i had my spine checked again...n finally my result was a negative...+phew+..wat a relieve to hear....well so much for tt scary part..well the gd news was tt my blood pressure was perfectly normal n the nurse said it was really gd..+thank God+..hahaha...

i just realised tt i cannot cry anymore...n i cannot laugh whole heartedly already...


i'm tired of living n i'm exhausted


i'm failure just a failure.....+walks away wif a knife on my hands+...

arGh..another bad day to begin wif..+sigh sigh+..1st thing in the morning..guess wat i heard..leona told me tt my mother called her again..n then now my mother wants to know how to contact my DM..arghh!!...+wat the hell+...i'm pissed off lorh..just bcos i reach hm late n she is going to an extend of doing this kinda things..she treats me so nice infront of me..n she do these kinda things behind my back!!+arghhhh+..i hate it!!
...+runs n bag my head against the wall+...or y not an easiler method+shoot me in my head!!+...go get a gun n just do tt..n spare me all those troubles..she jolly well noes tt i hate interrogation n i hate doing reporting all those kinda stuffs n if she goes to my Dm..i'll haf to do those!!+wat the.....+..i'm so speechless now......shrugs...
if this continues...i'm going back to my old lifestyle again..haiz...yah...only thru my old lifestyle then i can manage all these kinda things...yah..old methods..old ways...


today school was not tt bad la...but one thing...tt really made me so happy!!..cos today after school we're suppose to haf our maths remedial..n guess wat?our maths teacher decide to cancel it..+wahahhaa+...man..i'm so touched!!i was all kinda tired..went home had my nap n then had a rest..yeah...then had my english tuition..yeah..then continue wif watching tv..then had my dinner..yah...+muacks+..okay i'll fill you in later..gt to run n get sumthing done!!Muackss....

You are naturally born with a gift, whether it be
poetry, writing or song. You love beauty and
creativity, and usually are highly intelligent.
Others view you as mysterious and dreamy, yet
also bold since you hold firm in your beliefs.


What Type of Soul Do You Have ?
brought to you by Quizilla

You're chocolate. You're the old soul type, people
feel that they have known you their entire
life. Many often open up to you for they view
you as thoughtful and trustworthy. Although
people trust you, you have a hard time trusting
them. You prefer to keep your feelings bottled
up inside, or display them very quietly. It is
alright to open up every once in a while.


Which kind of candy are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

hey pple..yoyoyo..i'm back!!hahahaa...did anyone miss me?+muaccks everyone+...
haiz..well today our school has this stupid prefect installation..does the prefects need to be installed?they are no softwares man..they are human beings..besides..if they are installed...wat are they installed into?this is stupid!!i can't understand...+sigh sigh+..the world is soon driving me nuts!!..really nuts..n i'm going crazy..all crazy...Help!!!..._arghhh_..well today nth really happen..just tt half a day was gone bcos of the stupid prefect installation..well actually frankly speaking..i didn't mind tt event..cos i dun need to study for half a day..wahahhaa...+evil laugh+..aint i a lazy kid?well wat else can a student think off man?we are only n always wanting breaks...holidays n public holidays..hahaha..man it will be a time off n a time of play!!+wahahhahahaa+...well..dun act tt holy..you reading my blog..ain't you like tt onces?dun try being holy..hahahhaa..+caught ya red handed+..hahahaha..+evil giggles+..ahahhaa..well..yeah yeah..i'm just plain mean..well wat can i do?i'm made in tt manner..dun like me...whu cares..dun like then so be it..hahahaha...so anyway..i shall get outa my meany self..or else i can sense it will get worse even...+shhhhhhh+...+kicks the mean self outa me+...+back to me+..wahhahaa...sounds like i gt 2 character isn't it?nah..i dun...


continuing on


today after school..went to heartland to haf the famous beef noodles..well surprisingly there is like no1 there q-ing..yeah...there is alittle only..like 1 person be4 me?yeah tt kinda things..i thot it will be sold out by then..hahaha...+surprised+..wahahhaa...yeah..then walked to popular...go see things..yeah..then off i came back home..n wah la..i'm now on the computer..sigh..tomolo i gt chinese test..shit man!..hate chinese!!!i feel so chi na after studying them..n i'm becoming more illitrate in it!!argh...pronoucation all going havoc n outa ying..aiyo!!+shakes head+..okay shan't go any further..


love ya!!+muackss+

man..i'm having this splitting headache now!!God..send sum1 to cure my headache!!my eyes are dropping out already!!!..kill me!!
forget it..i shan't continue the search for legalized drugs in holland..well it is a project for my OS..oh well..heck..my health is fading..n so much for my eyes drooping dwn...+haiz+

well..i haben been constant haf i?well wat to do?so many upcoming test tt actually kills me n it's apparently driving me to my grave..it's true..well everyday i haben been able to get enough sleep..n ending up half dozing in class..n making me miss out on my lessons tt will be important to my studies...
n God noes wat had gotten into me..i had been eating alot lately..now i noe y amanjeev told me tt when it comes to sec4..n you get all stressed up..you will start eating alot..man..its already working n reacting in me..wat am i suppose to do?+cries cries for helP+..sum1 just get me outa this situation tt is making me fat for no apparent reasons!+darn+..
sigh..i'll haf to get back in school like in a few hours time..sigh sigh sigh...i can't stand school life..i wanna get out as soon as possible..+shoo shooo....+...man my eyes are getting tired..i gt geo test today..n guess wat..i dunno which period it will be..cos there isn't any geo period!!+darn teachers+..stupidity..can't take anymore school nonsenses..argh!!sum1 kill the principal!!n burnt the school!!....


i'm tired of everything...
sum1 slaughter me..


hahaha..well yesh i'm c.r.a.z.y..yesh!!very!!n i'm going to turn to a nut very soon..like in a few seconds time..well i do hope God will save me..+ah chew+..sorry...
yeah...okay..tt's all for like now..which is for today...


lets tok about alittle on sat..n sun..
lets begin...
hmm..first time jac came over to my house..hahaha..yeah..she came eariler..at around 2.30+..yeah..well cos i was watching this show called "chocolat"...ya..sum french movie..it's all about chocolate..n it's amazing each person has different chocolate to eat when you look at this spinning plate..man it's really unique..well actually in the first place i thot it would be a very boring movie..but later in the end..i started to fall in love wif the show..ar...tt's so me!!..hahaha...well anyway..continuing..we watched it..then munched on sum snacks..n me growing fatter!!hahhaa..then we ate mashmallows..hahaha..nice nice..well this one is specially for barbarque one..yah..so it's alittle more solid..yah..then jac used her lighter to manual bbq it..hahaha..i ate the outer part..n she ate the inner part(which is all melted n sweet)..hahaha...so funny..then..yah..had a little fun..then slowly as the time pass..everyone started gathering n wah la..everyone appeared except nicholas..(dunno y he not here..but he had been mising cell for quite a few times already)..well..continuing on..aunty agnes n rachel came(which is jac's parent's n sister)..yeah..then first we had a game called "communicationg breakdown"..man it was really funny...the message originally was super long..n when it came to my side..it was really short..hahhaa..n it doesn't make any sense to anything at all!!..we all had a gd gd laugh..hahaha..man i laughed till my stomach aches..hahaha...


then we had praise n worship..then again..another game..yeah..it's a game tt everyone in the grp must noe each other as well as possible..yah..then each has to send a representative out n then they will haf to write the answer tt was asked by huimin on a piece of paper..yeah..then later..played n played..until it came to an end...then jac her grp won..n end up everyone saboh her team to do forfeit..haha..n made them dance to the song of "im alittle tea pot"...hahaha..nice song man..here goes..i'll sing it...


"im alittle tea pot
short n staut
here is my handle there is my staut
when i get all steamed up hear me shout
tid me over n pour me out"


hahaha...nice song isn't it?hahhaa..i didn't noe wat the whole song lyrics was until tt day..hahah...yeah i noe..i'm an overgorwn kid..alright alright!!..i admit..hahaha..anyway..continue on..after prayer..we had dinner..then after dinner..jac n i had a casual tok in my rm..to catch things up wif one another..man actually wanted her to stay over so tt we can haf a whole night chat..man tt would be nice..(haben done tt be4)..i'll try tt one day..yeah..so anyway..well i didn't pluck up my courage to ask my mum..so yah..she didn't stay..yeah...had a great evening tt day..


sunday..was a another long day..after service..headed dwn to ps..alot of pple come..well it was boy boy called a gd fellowship..hhhaaa..man we must haf this often..after having my lunch..i headed dwn to yamaha which is on the same level..then i went to haf a look at the violin..it's selling at a price of 136..cheaper than the ones in christpfore..ya...i dunno how to spell it..yeah..the violin tt cost 136..has a very nice finishing..n the colour is just right..man..i can stand there n drool n melt..hahaha..you should take a look at the silent violin..man..it's nicer!!it cost about 1000+..yeah..well...so much for violins..as much as i wanna buy..i dun haf the cash..n besides..i duno if i'll like the sound of it..yah..i gt to test it out one day!!..well i gt to keep this in mind..i cannot judge a book by it's cover...yeah...hmm..so..when im free i'll be dropping by..okay okay..then back to the foodcourt to haf our evalution tt hadnt been done for really grandmama's ages..hahhaa...really..well yah..had it..n off they went to shop..n aunty agnes n my mummy n me headed home..yah...n there...no more going outa the house n yah...
had sushi on tt day..well i gt my wish..hahhaa....yeah!..+yummy+..well..okay tt's all for now..i better go do my art research..if not..ong sure come running after me wif a chopper knife in her hands..hahaha..well..yeah..okay tts all..hmm..byebye..toodles..love ya..+winks n hugs n lots of mummuuuaaaccckkkksssS+