Thursday, June 30, 2005

Puffy and painful eyes..
Y?
cos i simply cried almost for about 3 hours yesterday non-stop.
Practically crying myself to sleep..
now suffering from the darn side effects
which is when i rub my eyes, it hurts like mad,
it feels like sun burnt!


i've been hurt again..
now trying to stand up again..
i've made a very impt decision to my life,
which is to get out of watever i'm in,
to move out and start a new life.
probably in this manner i'll get happy?
no more worries?no need to feel sad anymore?
i really dunno if i'm making the right choice..
it seems like it,
but still feeling uncertain..


even i'm hurting, will tt person even care or noe?
probably tt person wun even bother..
tt person did so many things to hurt me, to betray me..
i'm not baring grudges,
just feeling upset tt's all..
y tt person must do so many things to make my heart bleed?
i thot after th crying i might feel better?
or maybe a nap or sleep might cure my bleeding heart..
but things isn't the way i tink it is..
matters doesn't disappear overnight..
time is there to heal..
pple are there to love me and to care for me..
i thank all my frends who are beside me, nursing this wounded girl here..
thank you for ur time and patiences.


school is certainly going to start for me,
i'm hoping i can nurse my wound be4 i start my school..
so tt i can really concentrate on my studies?yeah..
gd idea isn't it?
hahaha, maybe i can b sum big big artist nxt time,
hahaha,if tt happens?probably the sky is already on the ground at my feet..
hahahahaha....


right rubbish aside...
i dunno if i should join di and han on sun?hahaha..
haiz, depends lah..yah...
haiz..when you're hurt, even the best place in the world you wouldn't wan to go..
tt's how i'm feeling..the hurt has overcome me...
it's painful..it hurts badly..


i'm hoping for sum1 to show me wat is real ....
and wat i can see for my future,
i need sum1 who has confidences and able to inspire me to do things..
give me the assurance tt the person will b always nxt to me when i need tt person..
will i ever find tt person?
God will sure to send me one..
time is all i need to built myself up..
to mould my character to sumthing more plasant to His eyes..
and Not for human eyes...


though tt wish is so hard to obtain..
but time and determination can certainly lead me there..
back to HIS arms once again..
i've been lost, N now i'm found..
i was nv considered lost or small in His sight..
He kept me close, just tt i didn't realise...
He was always there when i needed Him..
He took all my pain away and all my Hurts away..
in Time to come, this Pain will go...


May i heal completely and b happy once again..
time is all i need....

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

I'M FREE
My last day at KKH was really memorable INDEED
First: Patients wasn't tt many(which made my day pleasant)
Second: I was blessed with plenty of gifts and showered with Loved by everyone..
I wanna shout "THANK YOU TO ALL"
Third: Went out with Susie today, had great fun and laughter! As usual, Crappyness and not Crabbyness!hahaha..
Forth: One of my Best gift was from Gracia , Shazia and Susie..Never forgetting the others who had given me gifts..Ginny, thank you for the Pencil case!really sweet of you!heehee really Loved it! Shareen, Thank you for tt personal gifts that you had given me, it will certainly reminds me of you!,carolwho had given me a lip balm, hahaha, nice choice, it will certainly b useful for me, esp in air-con places,my lips tend to crack and even bleed..thank you!! The rest who got me the tupperware..heehee,thank you sooSoooo Much!i'll sure need it when i'm too bz to eat, it will really be totally convienent!heehee...thank you to all!


i'll certainly miss EVERYONE!Esp those i spend most of my time with, no worries i'll inform you when will i b back to lunch with you pple okay?yups!!lunch and chat, filling me in with all the news!heehee...


right, after my work ended, took sum pics! it's already uploaded, so go take alook alrighto?yups!all these pictures are so dear to me, and are so so so precious to me..
i really treasure you all loads, i wun forget you pple!!heehee...w/o you pple for these 7mths, my life would b a living hell..heehee..thanks for everything!WILL MISS YOU ALL!!...


after pictures, gt changed and returned my card to the HR (human resource)..
waited for Susie, and headed dwn to J8 for sakae sushi!yeah!took PLENTY of Pictures of her..ahahahaha...boy, she really has MANY MANY MANY MANY and PLENTY AND PLENTY of actions and POSE!..she is one gd gd MODEL!...hahahaha..
yups!had plenty of food!enjoyed our dinner from 3pm-5pm..hahahaha, had really a full meal, from the appitiers to the deserts!..hahaha..


yups! enjoy the pics alrighto?when you view the pictures, you will understand wat i meant by pleny of fun..hahaha...


Pictures worth a thousand words..you noe wat i meant?heehee

Tuesday, June 28, 2005

Just finish filling up my LAST timesheet..
*tearing..*
hahaha, yups you're right, i left one more day to working
and after tt, i'll just b a FREE woman!hahaha..
income will just stop flowing too..
today gave up all the gifts,
hope everyone liked it though..
words are all from the bottom of my pencil case..
hahahaha, nono, it's from the bottom of my heart!
watch out for the copper sheet alrighto?
dun let it cut your fingers yeah?
yups,
i seriously dunno wat to do tomorrow..
I noe my card has to b return to the HR deparment
and uniforms has to return to MMD..
yups!


okay nevermind...
heehee...okay lah...should i bring a camera tomorrow?
okay maybe i should,
take with all my Loved Ones!!!
ahahahaha, take it with SUSIE!!!
heeheee, tt lovly lady!
hahahahahaa....SUSIE!!!TEMPTRESS gonna catch you tomolo!
*evil laughs*
BEWARE!!!...


okay tt's about all,
i wan my farewell to b happy and memorable
so i shan't complaint..heehee..*smile smile*
love you all for taking care of me!!
*muacks muacks*...
SUSIE:*shouts*...THANK YOU SO MUCH!*muacks muacks*keep in contact okay??LOVE YOU!!!

Monday, June 27, 2005

right, haven been really blogging for quite awhile already,
if you realised?
i've been quite busy these days
preparing the gifts for my colleges
yups, i'll b leaving in about 2 days time, yeah!
cant wait though,
today i had a horrible time serving tt EMPRESS!(she thinks she is one!)
sheesh, she is so lazy,
everything must b served infront of her FACE!
damn it!
i'm so bz, translating, files popping in,
Achia kept giving me cases!
it was bad enough, and with this kinda EMPRESS around..
my world wouldn't go round anymore!
lucky she doesn't come often,*phew*..
i see her today and i'll nv see her ever AGAIN!
-what a relieve-


she is really some lazzy PIG!
such a yaya!
keeps bragging about her son, and saying she's very bored,
wanna start the clinic early,wanna finish fast,
how to with tt kinda lazyness intacted to her?
sitting there not helping out,
always wanting shazia to do the case,
takes her time, so she will see lesser patients!
she doesn't need to have her lunch,
we assistants need to,
we haf plenty of work to DO!
damn it!!!
such a selfish hidious looking EMPRESS!


right, toking about her makes my BLOOD BOIL!
need to upload the photos and will need my beauty sleep
apparently i was being woken up by my hp,
and after tt, can't sleep ..
okay nite nites to all,

Friday, June 24, 2005

Is my job making me dumb and blur or what!
sheesh!
i'm becoming like a blockhead now,
never able to hear what pple are trying to say,
i would just hear it as another word..
is my mp3 too loud for my ear drums?
maybe, i should just reduce the volume..


i'm trying my best to stand up on my own feet..
using all my strength and might,
distracting myself, occupying every single seconds i have on hand..
in order not to let myself haf a second to think,
though you have already apologised for what you have done,
but have you ever thought what kind of hurt you've brought to me?
anyway, let bygones be bygones i've already forgiven and forgotten about the whole incident,
i won't bare any grudges just to make myself feel upset..
you still didn't learn your lesson..
friends are there to tell you gd advice, you wanna take it or not,
is ur factor to think, but don't because of what you want in that sudden moment,
you forget about your frend's advice..
don't lose all your frends because of one slight mistake you make,
pple haf limits to their patients yah?
anyway, i just wan you to take care of your own health,
if you ever get sore thoat again, remember to call me up alrighto?
then i can make for you the honey drink again?
heehee, hope ur sore throat is all gone,
yah, anyway, tc yeah?


Finally today i had my beauty sleep,
tml skye coming over to my place to finish up the shoes tt we designed..
i can only describe it in 1 word, COOL!
haha, though abit the thickskin here,
but it's nice,*evil laughs*
will put up the pics as soon as the spraying is done,
yups!


Today i had a new nick name,
Temptress
hehee, susie gave me that name,
today we finally had lunch together,
then i was craving for the duck rice,
when i bought it back to the table,
sus was drooling over my delicious looking plate of duck rice
at first she didn't wan to have the duck rice,tt's bcos
she had it on monday,
haha, with that great looking delicious duck rice on the table,
she decides to eat the same thing,
heehee, tt's y i'm called the temptress,
hee..
weirdly, i had the craving of chilli,
sambal balachan,
so i took alot of chilli for my duck rice,
normally i wont touch the chilli..
see what cravings can do to you?
heee..BEWARE OF CRAVINGS!
no wonder with cravings, it will cause you to put on weight


-shakes my fingers-
so pple out there who are going on diet,
dun let ur cravings get the better of you yeah?


i was so tired after my lunch, i slept thru out the journey home,
then went home and continue my sleep,
i tink i had about nearing a 4 hr sleep,
heehe..Satify!


Joanna is a new staff tt will replace me..
she is 1 yr younger than me, re-taking her Os.
yups, Angelica and julianna going to leave soon,
Julianna found her job already, whereas, Angelica hasn't,
poor girl, anyway, Angel will be tendering her letter on the 27th and will leave 2 wks later, Ju will tender her letter on the 30th,
sighs sighs, y can't they do it on the 29 man!hahaha the day when i'm leaving,
*evil laughs*..
then the pple there will in a state of SHOCK!
so many pple leaving at the same time,
they will lack of another enrolled nurse to replace angel,
yups,so GD luck to them man!
*blah blah*...
evil pple, shoo shoo
-use the broom to sweep them away-..
hahaha..
-instructing to go away and outa my Sight!-


okay okay, shan't blog le,
shall go play with my NEOPETS
hahaha,toodles!
-sings,"I like to move it move, i like to move it move it..."-
byebye!!!

Tuesday, June 21, 2005

i'm hurt, i'm lost, i'm physically hurt and emotionally hit seriously!
i'm taking a break from all kinda things happening in my life
i wanna go isolation,
cos i noe when i need a pal or a frend or even my best frend,
sumtimes they will b either too bz to pick up the phone,
or yah, wun even reply..the helplessness i often feel when i'm broken inside..
i wanna cry, but sumhow my tears will just b held back..
when i thot i had sum1 to lean on, tt person chose to walk out of it
and cause me to fall right smack on my face..
Reality hits me really hard..
i gt slapped left and right..
i lost 2 battles, i lost to 1 , the other, i gave up..


i still can't believe tt sum1 would make tt choice
but as i told tt person, i would respect tt person's choice..
you tc of ur health yah?all the best to ur tests and may you always b happy..
though you've hurt me twice, yah, i still respect ur decision..


my hopes went up high, thinkin i can go back to my past memories,
but i've learnt tt one can nv nv return to the past..
the memories were so sweet..i gt an assurance tt you can make me live back in the past,but ur answer had shocked me..my hopes had been crashed from a very high position, if you noe this kinda thing might happen, y give me tt hope?even if you dunno, y didn't you keep tt promise?
i dun understand..


i went back to my old lifestyle..wounds had been made, but however it can't heal my wound, whenever i see those lines, it reminds me of everything,
Everything would just be flashing pass me so quickly
and i'll re-live tt pain, agony and sharp knife piercing my heart pain..
wat's God trying to do to me??y put me thru such pain and hurt?
i cannot take it..seriously,
it hurt me!!!


nth can bring me back to my happy self..i really meant NOTHING!

Saturday, June 18, 2005

right now my tummy feels weird!!
yesterday work was okay, not tt bad,
was quite bz though.
I actually haf a hard time walking
due to my muscle aches on my thighs,
yups!so imagine, with so many patients in the clinic,
more c/s to flow here and there
moreover i was working in the senior consultant rm,
template was under Pcheong,
Goodness!
oh anyway, managed to pull thru it!


on my way home,
heather msged me,
asking me to meet her,
so agreed, then she walked to my place,
while i had my bathe, haf dinner
and yah, made honey for her,
cos her throat seriously cannot make it..
then headed dwn to NTUC to get drinks..
she bought 4 and i bought 2..
upon payment, she shouted,"die i lost my wallet"
thinking she left it at the carpark near her place,
so i had to walk with her,
we finally reached the carpark,
and when she searched her bag,
it was INSIDE!!
*arghhhHHHHHH*


right, not angry though,
i treated it as an exercise..heehee..
okay, started drinking,
and i gt drunk on my 2nd bottle,
heather offered me half of her bottle twice
yups!
so all in all, considering 2 and a half bottles of e33 8.4%
yah..
gt really drunk.
could remember wat happen but i just couldn't control all my movements
body was really heavy and was feeling really sleepy..
yulian had to come bring me home, while heather had to go home..
Yulian if you're reading this,
really sorry to bother you at tt hour,
and yah, sorry about everything..*apologise*..
sorry sorry sorry sorry..


headed home, trying to look normal,
used the comp(remember?i'm trying to act normal??)
yah..then headed to my bed..


slept all the way till 2+ i woke up
couldn't sleep cos my tummy wasn't feeling well,
decides to read a bk to try to hynotise myself to sleep..
but nth works,
my tummy only gt better after i PUKE!
Contents Not to be read after ur meals
i puked bile,normally wat we learn bile is yellowish green,
but the bile tt i puke was grass green!!!
eeeee....


after a while, i felt back to sleep, which was ard 5+ in the morning already,
yah, and about 7+ this morning,
i woke up..and here i am using the computer,
teaching my bro how to dwnload songs into his mp3 player
yah, poor him, his mp3 player gt hang!..
so he has to go return and ask for a better one..
oh well, anyway, yah, i dun even noe wat i'm gonna to do today,
feeling all hungry and all...
haiz..wonder hows heather..
she drank 4 bottles!
goodness!!hope she wun haf any hangovers
hahaha....
tc pal!!

Thursday, June 16, 2005

Counting Down
counting dwn to wat?my days in KKH!
man i seriously hate the life there, though i get nice and gd frends there
of course besides all the roses there would b torns you would meet,
and is not 1 torn tt i'm toking about, it's like 5 torns! on each beautiful rose!


right, i told my mum, if ever i wanna give birth*CHOY*
(im seriously not keen for doing tt kinda thing, OUCH it will hurt)
i WILL NOT GO TO KKH even they specialise for women and children..
i wanna to go a private hospital man, the pple working at KKH are horrible!!
SERIOUSLY HORRIBLE!


or maybe is just for my clinic..yuck yuck yuck!
okay, i'll just haf to go thru another 2 wks and officially i'm outa tt JOB!
but i'm really lucky tt all my frends are in the clinic, if not i'll just DIE!
yah, wendy will be coming back tml,
so heartbroken tt she emailed my bro tt she said we needn't to pick her up from the airport, cos she wanna rush home to see pepper..*frowns and heart all smashed into pieces*...wanted to gib her a pleasant surprise, but in the end, haiz..become like tt..


today gt grounded again, wasn't allowed to go girl girl's hs to watch a series of unfortunate events,*sigh sigh*..wat a thing to do, just to BURST my BUBBLE!
anyway, the whole day i was watching tv, eating n yah, doing my farewell thingy, man the gift is so tiring!..*i'll die man!!!*...
i only like finish 5 outa 17?which mean i haf abt 12 left..
i need to work hard man!hahahaha...
oh well, tt's another day thing..
tml working in the afternoon..
dunno whether should i attend the BBQ tml..it's at Ryan's place..
shall see about it, cos after work normally quite tired..yah..
will decide tml..yup!
toodles to all!!!
hey anyone missed me?i'm back from church camp already,
church camp was okay, just tt i everyday experience headaches
the headaches hurt me like mad, it was piercing pain
so you can imagine, even taking panadole doesn't help anymore.
I guess my body is immune to the drug already,
my eyes are like so heavy now,
i tink i'll need my afternoon nap,
later going to girl girl house to watch VCDs..
yah..hope to get my nap at her place later..
anyway,yah..
yesterday the last day of the church camp,
they didn't provide us lunch,
so girl, my dad and i went to have lunch at the cafe
then i ordered seafood linguini, girl ordered the club sandwich..
after like 25 mins, the food didn't arrive,but the bus arrived..
everyone was like asking the waitress to take away all our food,
and the best part was tt, they dun haf any plastic or disposable untensils..
ahahaha, they ended up they had to gib us the real chopsticks and metal spoons..
hahaha...so funny!..well yups, memorable chopsticks tts it..
heehee..*grins*..


though tiring the church camp was,
things ran smoothly, quite a number of pple fall sick..
hey pple, GET WELL SOON okay?yups!Drink more water..love you all!*muacks muacks*..
games were all fun, the most memorable was the event when i gt dunked into water with natasha or now called Elizabeth..yah..hahaha..funny though, at first both of us were fumming mad, almost leading us to tears, but brave us, held back our tears and contiued on..
*cheers* both of us come out fine and healthy, hahaha...
anyway, the fun aside..
fun we had,
the sermons were great and impacted on my life..
it refreshed and touched my heart,
i thot this camp would be like sum other ones,
but no, it was different..it was really refreshing and it made me enjoy myself in all those dances, hahaha, though i think i'm old, older pple are doing the dance and enjoy them, hahaha, i've learnt you're nv too old to worship God in dance and songs, cos God enjoys all these...


holy holy holy..hahaha...okay, later will go have lunch and maybe dinner with girl girl..hahaha..*smile smile*...
toodles..will blog sum other time...

Saturday, June 11, 2005

Actually i've nth to blog
yup except having to find myself in a BIG MESS
y big mess?cos i'm seriously confuse
i dunno which one to do first..
tml i my church camp,
later i'll have to meet didi..
to pass her han han's Lit bk..
then later might wanna get my contact lense..
AND FINALLY MY PAY CAME!
dun haf to borrow money from my Mummy anymore..
heehee..*phew, wat a relieve*..


today i suppose tt we will be getting out marshall T-Shirts
wonder how xinyi carries it to church today..*wonders wonders wonders*...
yah..oh well, getting it today tt's it lah..*yeahHhhhHh*..
having plenty of headaches nowadays..
girl not replying my msges..
+ not returning my calls,
GOD NOES WAT SHE IS UP TO!..


haiz, i gt not so much energy to think about it already.
i gt to do my shopping and i gt make plenty of gifts for my colleges..
*headache headache*..
i seriously wonder if it can be done on time..
where shall i find nice flowers?
hmm, wat should i add in the cup?
God noes,well i noe HE will give me the creativity when the time is ripe..
yeah..
okay, need to go haf breadfast and haf my bathe,
n off to meet didi and my optitionist!..
toodles!

Thursday, June 09, 2005


how i really wish tt there wasn't the instrument tt measures time
which apparently is the CLOCK!
y?cos i seriously wish to stop the time..
i find tt bcos of time,
every1 has to RUSH here n there,
how i wish i could go back time,
so tt i can return to the honeymoon period
where every1 was happy..
both girl and i was really happy.
having nothing to worry.
as both of us grow older,
things started to change.
she has her own life to live,
a job for her to be responsible for..
for me, i'm working
and when my time comes,
i'll haf to return back to school already..
*sigh sigh*.
i'm just afraid tt i will not b able to catch up in school
after having a total of 7 months Plus having myself stayed away from my bks...
haiz..
another problem..
anyway, i'll b away for church camp..
yeah!!!*smile smile*.
tml can get the T-shirt liaO!!
*smile smile*!!!...


toodles..kinda sleepy le...
Topsy Turvy


today went to collect my O level cert
finally the school is like OPEN!
yups, nth much to say
just tt girl shaved her head again..
haiz...dunno wat to do with her already..


always making me so worried for her..
things are not as easy as you think..
haiz..attitude, stubborness..
everything..
not easy to handle..


my abang just gt back into a status of single again.
and really feeling upset and dwn..
ABANG!i hope you'll get away from the sadness soon...
dun think so much
listen to ur heart
and follow ur heart to where it may lead you.
dun let ur frends influence ur decision..
okay?
*hugs hugs*...


to girl girl: get well soon okay?
remember always take ur medicine..
must b gd girl, listen to the doc yah?
love ya*muacks muacks*..
and i apologise for wat happened today..
you take care of ur health yah?
sorry..


haiz..sad sad day....

Wednesday, June 08, 2005

hasn't been feeling really gd these days.
mood just isn't really gd tt's all
everything i do is just upsetting me..
i can't seem to b as happy as before..
and y is tt so?


acceptance is just....so hard...
accepting me is tt so hard?
rejections are words i hate to feel, think and hear..
it HURTS badly..
it kills my heart slowly,
its bleeding you noe tt?
i may seem happy and smiling all around,
acting like sum clown for every1 to laugh.
but has any1 wonder how i feel inside?
EMPTY!..
pple like it they treat me nice..
pple have anger, they vent it on me..
am i their punching bag?
as i mention, all along i was just a tissue paper to every1's life..
once used, they throw me away..
trumple all over me,
nv knowing how i feel within me..


i'm not a person tt pple can use money to buy..
i'm not one of those kind..
i haf feelings i haf a heart..
i haf emotions,..i haf wat all human beings haf..
y doesn't happiness stay for long?
cutting of wrist doesn't work for me anymore..
neither drinking..nor neither just sitting there feeling the pain works..
i need a stronger dose
to NUMB me from all these..
i need to b put under GA..(general anastitic)
which will put me to sleep, and to numb my whole body...
then i wun feel a single hurt..
i wun haf to cry till my eyes turn all swollen
and suffer the pain after tt..


i wanna get myself outa everyone's clutches tt are trying to control me..
i wanna break free from all my suffering and just b happy for once..
happiness i dun feel anymore,
even by just doing my art,
it wun satisfy me at all..
having pple to comment about my art...
wun do any effect to me already..
i'm NUMB can't you see?
NUMB


wat haf i brought myself into?
i'm just living in misery!!!!!!


Monday, June 06, 2005

well, haben been blogging quite awhile already..
so i shall update alittle, be4 i'll haf to go to work..
right, i just highlight and coloured my hair..
didn't get to collect my O cert, cos, the school was CLOSE!
of all days, they had to close on the SATURDAY!
gee..right, shall go another day then..
continuing on..
i just bought a new slipper again..
at mustafa, n i swear i'll nv enter tt place again..
GOD it's full of indias..not being racist..
but i'm seriously afraid..moreover we went in the night..
the stairways are so dirty and so dark,
everytime when i walk pass it, i freak out..
*goosebums are all coming out*..


i took picutures of my new hair colour,
so do go and haf a nice look at it yeah?
hahaha...yups!..okay i gt no time to spare,
i'll need to get my bathe and off to work...
toodles!enjoy the pics!