today just dyed my hair..
and i'm super unahappy with the colour
i look like sum auntie!
GEE!
i hate the colour!!!!
*arghh*..
lik sum part haf then sum part dun haf.
esp my bottom part..
arhhh..i wan my hazel BROWN!
i wan hazel brown!!!!
damn it man!
hate the shity colour!
will not do DIY anymore


my hair the bottom part like sun haf anything man..
heehee...
hahahahaha so funny..oh well...


poor girl girl, she yesterday sprain her ankle
then had to be admitted to A&E at Tan tock seng hospital
and yah, now she is with a bandage now.
poor girl.
wonder how she can make it for our sentosa trip man.
*sighs sighs*.
hope she can get better.


yups..
tt's all for my day lah...
*sians*

Are things just gonna pass me by and not having myself to understand or knowing it?
y does pple change?
i really dun understand
is it bcos i just wan them to b the way the are now and not change anymore?
but y if i can change sum1, but unable to stop them from continuing changing again?
it happened so many times, but i just can't learn from my mistake..
it happens even if i dun change tt person..
it is instopperable?
i seriously dunno..
my heart is bleeding hard.


i gt use to things
like i'm in my comfort zone,
i hate to leave it and adapt to another situation or environment or make anymore changes..
i'm comfortable with wat i haf..
and not let anything go wrong..
things were going so smoothly..
even with the family around..things were much better than when the family not around*sigh sigh*.
i'm tired i'm tired..
it feels as if i'm on the losing end ..
really losing end..
like sitting on a board, i'm at the tail end,
my butt is going to fall off the board soon..


will i end up like didi,
thinking too much
until there are too much things in ur head
until there can be a possibility of landing myself into a depression?
sigh sigh,


toodles....

HELP I'm Suffering from neck aches,
yesterday must haf spend too much time on han's bk,
the min i gt the book i started to think and think and think..
hehee, my mind is really working now*hahaha*..
senile?still there!hahaha..
need more work i guess


i hope my notes will be of gd use to han,
though i will nt be able to finish the whole bk for her,
will try my best to do it..
hope she will pass her lit this time..
i make the notes for her on the bk and she will haf to make the notes on paper,
to start to catagorise the character studies n the themes le..
then she will understand and MEMORISE all those quotes..
and HOPEFULLY she will pass


morning woke up, str8 away did han's lit..
last nite slept at abt 1.20am in the morning
both yesterday dinner and this morning breadfast, i ate in my rm..
hahaha cos to save time, to write the notes and to haf my meal at the same time..
MULIT TASKING saves TIME
hahahaha..


yeah, then in the early afternoon i decide i should stop
and until now, i've not gone back to the book..
gee its staring at me now,
saying "come back to me come back to me"
heeheee..


tt's all i guess tt i wanna say..
i'm putting on weight, and my partner wans me to b a BAMBOO!
DIE! DIE!
from today, all my meals must b cut into half!
so tt i can lose weight in time..


when going m'sia i hope to buy myself a pair of rollerblades
yups!hopfully i can get it cheap there..
heehee..okay, tt's all for now..
Princess out

heehee, boy i'm bored again!
ltr meeting han to get her lit,can't wait to read on it,
LIFE WUN BE SO BORING AFTER I LAY MY HANDS ON TT BOOK I HOPE!
*evil laughs*
han, dun worry, i wun tear up ur book no worries
oh i gt gd news for you, i finally found a classmate tt is willing to gib me her unseen bk!yeah!!jia you okay?
shall try my best to let you pass ur lit yeah?
at least i'll try my best, but you also gt to jia you okay?
no worries i wun bang walls
will b really patient..hahaha..*smile smile*..
i'm not tt scary if you realise..
how can this old and senile lady be scary?
right?i can't even run after you if you decide to run after you hear wat i've to say about the lit, haha,
walking has already became a problem to me
cos my walking stick is a MUST
hahaha, brain getting rusty already
so i'll nw haf to clean away all the rust
hopefully my senilness will not get worse..
*giggles*


girl not picking up my phonecalls,
God knows wat she is up to
shall try again..
finally she PICKS up my calls!
AMAZING!hhahahaha..
*gee*...
wonder wat i can cook for her when i'm at her place
hahaha, heehee..
about another 1 wk more, we can go SENTOSA
HEY PPLE WE TAKE PICS OKAY?I BRING CAMERA!!
yeah!!CAN't wait for tt day to like COME!
HAN HAN Jia you okay?
after ur Chinese Os then u can ENJOY URself
AND WUN HAF TO SUFFER ANY HEADACHES!
hahahaha...
heyhey han i need ur formula for being as slim as you,
apparently if you realise and read my previous post,
my partner wans me to like become a bamboo?hahaha...
so i seriously will need ur help!
HELP HELP!


yeah!!
oh anyway, i shall entertain myself..
hahahaha....*smile smile*..

suprise suprise the princess is not asleep yet ar..
hahaha, wat am i doing?
i'm not sure myself, collecting my eyebags?
heehee, God knows wat i am doing online,
waiting for my dearest honey dearie partner to finish cooking her FRIED RICE
and guess where is she, she is in UK!
hahaha,really miss her i must say!
she is one hell of nice partner i have outa so many *smile smile*
and when i ask her if she can give me sum, she dun allow * sighs sighs*
y?cos she wants me to turn into a STICK!
A.K.A a BAMBOO!
i wish man, i can't exercise now,
cos i ever try again by just climbing the stairs
after upon reaching my house door step,
i was panting so hard tt i almost fainted
and i really felt i wanted to faint..
boy i'm sure one weak soul


is she just done yet?*check check*
nope, not done yet..
girl should b up by now to actually send her parent off..
yups!so sweet of her,
though i just quarralled with her,
but hope things will b okay
really sick and tired of all those quarralling
cos watever we quarral will be of the same topic
haiz..


anyway, it's realy like 2.42..gee...
feeling not tired at all..
hahaha who knows maybe after when my head touches the pillow i immediatly sleep
hahahaha
who can say this princess right?*heehee heee heee*...
gee..okay shan't blog now..


tml meeting han to take her lit bk from her,
will study her lit book and yeah!
get to use my brain again
finally after such a long time
having to work in KK doesn't need any brains
really NOT AT ALL
no wonder im feeling senile already..
yeah! i get to do lit again!
*jumps for joy*

As usual, depressions sets into my life right at this pt of time
like NOW?
haiz, i'm feeling really in total depression..
y?yeah, i really need to do sum saving activities already


oh well, as you noe, i blog bcos i'm dead bored!
i can't find anyting in my hs tt i can really do


today electiricity was out for about 35 mins
couldn't take the boredness
decided tt i should walk a lil dwnstairs
took my wallet and keys and headed str8 out for the open.
went to Louis salon to ask the price if i would like to have my hair done,


for highlighting=== $65
for colouring===$75


yups, price is reasonable for my hair length,
so after asking,i headed to the atm,
drew out some money to return my debt to my MUM
and drew out some for my transport and food,
Gee and i just realise if i calculate the amount
the money i earned is only enough to pay my hp bill, my internet bill, food and transport,there is not much money left tt i will be able to save on..
so now i plan to not have my lunch at KK kopitiam,
i shall just munch on bread or sumthing.
just to keep my tummy full..


thinking Hospital food is cheap?
pple you're bluffing urself,
oh pls, sumtimes things in there are actually more expensive, if you might try doing a comparison..
Gosh!
SHOCKING NEWS isn't it?


well, seriously pple there are all really sucky,
probably they give customers too much of gd service
and the outcome or side effects when you give too much gd service
you become one hell of a backstabber and an irritating person!
they all need to land their bums in mental hospitals


haiz..feeling so shityfied!
arghhhh!!watever man!
feeling like just forget about going back to work since the pay is like seiously low?
and wat i earn, about 30% would enter my Transportation fee, one day i will haf to spend about $3 or sumtimes more than $3?tt's only for a day!mind you..
y the hell must i work so far?
God it's at BUKIT TIMAH!
Transportation and eating?is already Enough TO KILL ME!!!
oh wat the hell!
it's seriously too much for me to handle man!
Transportation fee is so steep in price and now they are saying they might b raising the price..
Hurry let me start my school term man!
i wanna get my Consession PASS!
it's so much cheaper tt way...at least i dun haf to worry taking as many bus as i like,
always haf to think like so cheapo auntie,
always have to walk further dwn to take from tt bus stop,
cos the further away it is from ur destination, the more expensive it gets..
GEE i'm feeling like SUM CHEAPO AUNTIE !!
I HATE TT FEELING!


SICKENING!
tired of everything already!

Headache persist Even i'm not working!


EEEEE, Crazy life tt i have,
i'm not even able to sleep properly!
IRRITATING!
tt stupid brat, come into my hs and make plenty of NOISE!
damn her man!


hahaha, church camp days are coming soon!
by then i should be able to to relax fully!
hahahaha...*smile smiles*.
but be4 tt church camp..haha,
my clique are all going for an outing
which is at SENTOSA!wahahaha..
SOOOOOO happy man!
FINALLY i get to enjoy myself *heeheee*..


oh well..today is another boring day..
shall i go swimming tomolo?
any1 wans to join me??
hahaha..
Ohoh, any1 Can lend me Waterboys VCDS?
any1 has it?
cos if i bought it myself, it will be so expensive
so i thot probably i should lend it from others
watched it and returned it..
so anyone tt will be so kind to lend me?
Please?pretty please??


yesterday i just bought my flip flops from La Senza
yeah..cost me $15 which is kinda reasonable, yeah
oh well, yups!
it's apple green in colour..
hahaha today if free must go and ask how much is it to highlight my hair..
i thot of either doing one only, yeah
if not then DIY the dying part and Go to my salon to do my highlighting
yeah, i dunno which one yet though, can't really make a decision yet..
so while saving up the money, i'm still thinking of wat i can do first..
ahahaha..maybe dye my hair by DIY
n then save enough money liao then go highlight..hahaha
my mother so funny..
she says, "since you're getting it done only for one time, might as well do it nicely, use tt lil money and get it done well"
wah, she says lil money!hahahaha..
SHOCKED!
haha, cos it will be really expensive for my hair length
if i actually do everything there,
so i must find out the price first
but really happy tt my mother actually allows me to get my hair done..
hahahaha*smiles*
and only for ONCE!hahahaha...
heeeeeehheeee...


happy happy happy happy..
wonder how's didi first day of school like..
today i must go and get my ez-link card
cos i'll need to pay , so today i must remember to get it done..hahaha...
oh well, shall go and disturb my girl already..
tt silly billy bum cow..hahahaha..
moooOOOoooOOOOOOOooOOOOOooOOOoo*chom chom chom*...(on grass)..
wahahhaa*giggles*

chocolate and durian?
oh goodness, so FATTENING!!
girl is saying, it's shoik?!!
hahahaha...
today suppose to go out with limin, jingyi
yeah, limin suggested heartland mall..
goosh, i'm so bored with tt place,
Almost everyday after school,
i'll visit there..
HAIZ!BORING!


seriously, besides it's boring, i dun feel like going out..
and moreover, i'm kinda tight..
yeah, so how to go out?
i wanna get my CRUMPLER BAG, DYE AND HIGHLIGHT MY HAIR and last of all i wanna get my CONTACT LENSE..
all need money..
hahahaa, so yeah..
sorry limin tt i chose to back out all of a sudden
and then i woke jingyi just to tell her tt i wun b going today..
then jingyi woke limin up!..
im SO SO SO SORRY pple to wake you pple up...
really sorry...


yeah today took alot of pics of myself and took pics with my mother and yeah with hannah...
yeah...
i haf the craving for CHICKEN RICE..arghhhHHHH!!!
wanna try the most famous chicken rice in TOWN..
it's at chatterbox..


nowadays i've been having my headaches and my muscles on my chest get tense easily..
haiz..wat am i to do?
wat's wrong with me????


haiz.....STRESSED UP!
but stressed up by wat?
GOD NOES

God wat's wrong with my blog?
i'm unable to change my colour..
Gee..its making me bored with the colour white
ALL over MY BLOG!
shake heads


having my headache again..
i'm not working until nxt fri..
kinda almost a wk break...
gd rest though.
but having to think tt my pocket will be EMPTY
saddens me..


wanna get my crumpler bag so much...
hmmm...it's gonna cost me quite alot..
nvrm..shall save up the money to get it..


i'm so BORED!!
girl had been working so hard..
until now she often have to skip her lunch yet..
*shake heads*.
nxt time will need to take away food for her already..
always working so hard causing her to haf irregular time for her meals..
which makes her put on weight..


toking about weight...
i PUT ON 0.5 KG!!...
*looks at my tummy and starts to pinch all my fats*...
hahaha..these all haf to go be4 i go back to sch..
can i make it?
SELF-DICIPLINE
hahaha...
a BAMBOO?
POssible?
GEE.....
will see.


falalala..
tml going out..
heehee...


arghhhh!! this is killing me..
*adding to the noise tt is created by the upgrading going on outside my flat*..
Everyday there they go banging and hammering
and all kinda sounds..
Irritating..


Adding to tt noise,the bloody RUTH is making a whole load of NOISE
damn her, i wish i could shut her up
thinking she is SOOOO Intelligent?
She is so PROUD!
PROUD as a PEACOCK!
She is still able to answer you back adding on to tt, she will gib you tt Fucking look (showing tt she is unhappy and telling me to watch my back!)
Wah, im so scare!
When she gives me tt look,
i feel like gogging out her small eyes and taping her MOUTH!
IRRITATING BRAD!
keeps shouting, thinking she's in a WORLD OF HER OWN!


my parents are always spoiling her..
she is GOD DAMN IT SPOILT till when she dun get wat she wants..
She CRIES!
IRRITATING
FUCK IT MAN
Feeling like scoldin her, STOP CRYING YOU BITCH!
SHIT MAN!
y are the vulgarities coming outa again?
gee, gosh, my anger had gone into my bloodstreams.
and sumday i'll get sum high blood pressure for no apparent REASON!
and by tt time come, she will haf to pay my MEDICAL FEE!


Having my mother to take them back,
Oh please be grateful will you?
STOP COMING LATE TO PICK UR KIDS UP!
wanna come late and are unable to take care of them?
then Y think of giving birth to them?
SILLY DUMBOS!
Pls lah, pple also need to rest can!
Spare A THOT WILL YOU?
I had been listening to baby crying at my ears for 17 YRS!
so will you pple do us tt big favour?
BY TAKING UR KIDS BACK HOME ON TIME?


GOING TO SCGS very great lah?
Oh man!BECAUSE HER MOTHER WAS AND OLD GIRL TT'S Y SHE GOT IN !
AND NOT BY ENTERING THE SCHOOL BY HER OWN ABILITY!
LOUSY!....
Sickening BITCH!

MUSIC OF MY HEART (by N'Sync)


you'll never know what you've done for me
what your faith in me has done for my soul
and you'll never know the gift youve given me
i'll carry it with me


through the days ahead i'll think of days before
you made me hope for something better and made me reach for something more


Chorus:
You taught me to run
You taught me to fly
Helped me to free the me inside
Helped me hear the music of my heart
Helped me hear the music of my heart
You've opened my eyes, You've opened the door
To something I've never known before
And your love is the music of my heart
(music of my heart)


you were the one
always on my side(always on my side)
always standing by (always standing by)
seeing me through
you were the song that always made me sing (made me sing, made me sing)
im singin this for you (singin this for you babe)
everywhere i go i'll think of where i've been
and of the one who knew me better than anyone ever will again


Repeat Chorus


what you taught me
only your love could ever teach me
you got through when no one could reach me before
'cuz you always saw in me
all the best that i could be
it was you who set me free


Repeat Chorus


...is the music of my heart...




heyhey, haben been blogging lately?
yeah i noe..
nowadays having headache like mad!
it's such a sudden attack everytime when it comes..
it's really irritating me..
Even panadol does not work..
*geee*..


then i asked the doc if there is any stronger medicine for headache
then she said there is..
i must go and get it sia!
it's killing me..
everytime when i work, or even when watching tv..
every min it HURTS!
really painful..
its magraine i tink..
haiz..
oh anyway...yeah...


now cannot collect my Os cert
cos the school told us tt it cannot be collected after the 30th may..
Sighs sighs..
Wat the hell man!
oh anyway,
decided to go out with the rest on fri..
Go heartland?
hmmmmm...
Gosh it's boring...
BORING!
oh well, let's see wat we can make do there...
hahahahaha...
oh well...no ORCHARD?
*sighs sighs*...
*frowns*.
y HEARTLAND?
i already gt bored there...
*rants and raves*...
*blah, sticks tongue out*...
hahahahaa...
Okay..headache is back!!!
GOD i hope i dun haf brain tumour...
*sighs and walk away*..
toking nonsense hahahaha...
Toodles!

Gosh today was a horrible day man!!
thanks to my Grandma's maid man!
actually was suppose to go out for dinner
i was suggesting to go for the steamboat buffet..
end up, i was starved at home..


cos i told my mum and dad,
tt after they come back from grandma's hs then tell them where i would like to go...
then only my dad came home with desserts at 7+...
i could not take it
so i could not take it, i went out to get KFC..
Sigh the curry chicken is no more available..
gee...
so i had to eat the spicy one..
not as nice as the curry chicken one though,
but well
to feel up my tummy
i gobbled dwn all my food...


mum only came home at 9 with food tt my uncle bought...
feeling irritated...
after the maid started to go out,
her dressing became more seductive
everything also so low cut...
aiyo!!wanna attract who??
attract the unwanted and irritating mosquitoes
and cause you an unwanted item? and participating in the increasing amount of act which is abortion?SILLY!


I AM SO IRRITATED!!
SHIT man
RUINING MY DAY!


She so silly, nv have lunch
then take 2 gastric pills
then have half a bottle of white wine
containing 11% of alcohol
and in the end shouting and scream
she screamt so loud
tt police and the ambulance came..
GOSH!
they find their life not excited enough is it?
AIYO!so dumb!
and ended in hospital
and she cannot work as a maid anymore...
and she will not have an income anymore...
previously she already made a mistake by taking my grandma's earring...
and then my mother warned her not to do it again....
and there she did it again...
SILLY DUMBO!


haiz...dunno lah..adult affairs i wun wan to interfere
can't b bothered!
eeeEEEEe....
haiz..feeling really sian!
wat a day man!
hahaha..tml must bring camera..
going out with my colleges..wahahhaa.
EAT CRABBY!
wahaha sumthing for me to look out for...
okay all the way to me sia!wahahhaa...
toodles!!
Muacks muacks!!!

heehee..right now i'm deleting all the songs fr my mp3 player
cos i wanna re organise it again
so i'll haf to re-d the whole thing..
i guess there is no other easy way out nehs..wahahhaa..
so yeah, now doing it slowly..
the thing is taking ages just to delete one track
Gosh!
eeee...
dwnload one song is so fast..
and deleting, it takes soo long..
okay no more complaining..i need to go get it organise..


thurs went to girl's house
then took back the speakers for my zen
today i fixed everything up
and yeah, gt everything done up...
cleared my table..
and cleaned everything dusty area tt i can lay my hands on..
hahaha...finally everyting is nice and neat..and CLEAN!
wahahhaa...


today i was working in the afternoon shift
so i had all the time in the world to clean up my messy rm..
i woke up at 10, having a total of a 12 hour rest..
actually if you ask me, i can actually sleep in longer
but thinking i haf to get everything fix
i had to spring outa bed..


from 10.35 all the way to 11.30 i cleared my rm..
then i had to IRON my OWN UNIFORM today..
gee..
yups!thinking i did a bad job?
wahaha..nah not tt bad you noe?
actually still able to pass!heehee...
self praise international disgrace..
heehheee...
yups!


suffering from backaches again!..
haiz..feeling really cranky now..
*sighs*..


hugs hugs!
nite nite..

i'm happy as ever again!
boy i'm back to my old self again!
i'm so happy happy happy!wahahahhaa
i'm as happy as i can go hahahahaahahhaha all the way..


haiz but one thing is tt today i cannot join girl n her friends to watch a performace put up by stepf's twinny..yeah..
well haiz..18 yrs old and still cannot enter a pub with my mother's allowance..
hahahhaa...right..


was at girl house the whole day,
and even now using her lappy, so do you think?
hahahhaa i'm still in her hs!wahahha
lame lame....
haahahhaha..
oh well...shall yeah...go off..toodles..
Muacks muacks!!!

haiz, heartbroken, pieces, pieces..
pieces are pieces already..


only her jie can make her laugh..
and me?becoming an irritating person to her..


haiz haiz...


i wanna isolate myself..
ISOLATE!


GO AWAY...i'm feeling miserable
having all kinda stupid attitude and mood swings..
So PLEASE DUN STEP ON MY TOES!!...
GO AWAY!....


my heart is pain, it's bleeding..
and it's beyond repair...
haiz....


GO AWAY ALL OF YOU!

Neglactance is all i feel,
insignificant to ur big and famous life..


Nv will you think how i would feel
you no longer take me seriously
the tender loving care you showered on my be4
disappeared in thin air..


If you still wan me,y would you still wan to treat me this way?
it's torturing me..
it kills me..
it hurts...
do you noe?


im feeling lost and lonely..
feeling far from home..
.....
i feel dun belonged anymore..
screaming at me whenever you feel like to.
i'm a HUMAN
i HAVE FEELINGS..
CAN ALL OF YOU TREAT ME LIKE A NORMAL WARM BLOODED HUMAN BEING?
WOULD YOU ALL STOP TAKING ME AS A COLD BLOODED HUMAN?
......


when i ask you tt one question be4 i hung up the phone..
do you actually meant it?
if you really meant it,
how come when you pick up the phone
ur voice change?
if you hate me tt much,
y continue on torturing me?
you nv noe the feeling of having to wait for sum1's call....
finally when i hear ur voice..
you told me to b understanding...
i'm sorry i'm nt as patient as han..
maybe if you allow me to go back to my old life style by picking up the knife,
i mayb like han,
where watever unhappiness it will b kept in me and myself..
you will nv open my door,
cos i've isolated myself...
my heart bleeds..
the knife poked me deep...
you haf problems, so haf i..
all my small problems are so insignificant in ur eyes...
but you dunno..all these small problems lead to my depression
tt slowly invades into my life...
cutting me out from society...


will a sorry cure my heart?
you seem to sound happy when i'm not by you...
should i just go on MIA?
will it b understanding to you?
the picture may not mean a single thing to you.
but tt's how i feel...


every word tt you say to hurt me,
makes my heart bleed...
my appitite gone dwn..
no mood to do things..
just waiting for time to arrive for you to call me...
wanting you to comfort me...


if i noe this is going to happen,
i might as well sleep forever than to feel the pain...
it really hurts...


really hurts..
really hurts...
it's too paintful for me to go thru alone..

back on my blog, well today work was so boring,
actually, i shouldn't be ranting, cos..
patients are getting fewer as the mid yr xams draw nearer..
hahaha, i can then sit there to laugh at all of them..*evil look*
right, was really really sleepy today
today we had a change of total 2 docs,
yups!the new medical officer is here, her name is Elain, nice lady thought
yeah!


was really sleepy cos i didn't haf enough sleep
OBVIOUSLY..ahaha
came home gt sum sleep
and just finish dwnloading songs into my mp3
yups!
bro thot of getting the ipod shuffles
yeah, didn't really like it thought(the look)
tt's y i didn't think of getting it,
besides buying an ipod, doesn't haf any radio,
so i might as well, get sumthing gd...
my bro says tt creative nt very gd,
cos his mp3 tt his frend bought for him,
gt spoilt after about 2-3 wks later..
i hope mine wun end up like his..
paid alot for it..
must take care of it..*smile smiles*..
right..


hmmm...getting bored with my job now
it's like having myself to drag myself to work everyday..
yeah..oh well..just haf to tolerate for about another 2 mths lah..
yeah...oh well...
hahahaha.....*smile smile*...
okay..
can't wait to go to school, but you can b sure i'm not looking forward for the orientation, cos orientation does stupid things..
really stupid things..
n it makes you embarrass infront of everyone..
and sumtimes you haf to stay over..
hmm, sleeping with pple i dunno?
hmm, not really a nice thot though..hahah
really...but yeah
pple would tell me, if there is no orientation, then how would you get to know pple and the place well?
quite true...haiz...*sigh sigh*..deep sigh*...


my hp had gone crazy...
silly phone..
giving me attitude already!..aiyo!...
it has a brain of it's own..wahahhaa...
small small brain..wahaha..


okay..going off now, toodles..

Right, just gt scolded by my mother, just cause i bought my creative zen yesterday,arghhh!!!!wat's so wrong???is my own money, and she make so much noise, n cause of my zen, i now haf to pay EVERYTHING!!my daily toiletries and all my meals, my bks and all my art stuffs, right!how NICE!
ARGH!!I knew sumthing bad was going to happy after getting my zen..


Right asking me to pay everything, she gd lah, ask me pay, i started paying for my own stuff when i was about pri6?ard tt age, she told me tt watever i wan, i use my own money to pay it for myself, then when i use the money to buy my zen, she get so so upset about it, asking me to pay her 100 back first, summore in the first place, she told me i can take my time to return the money, not as if i'm not going to clear my debts lorh!!, arghhh!!feeling so fucked up lah!can't i haf a mp3 to accompany me thru my nafa life?when i'm drawing, i can listen to it wat, anyway, when i draw i'll need music, can't possiblily taking in a whole radio and one whole stacks of cds in to class pa?right?moreover my zen can store files up to as big as 2GB can?haiz....


haiz haiz!so frustrated and all, feeling fucked up inside, i cannot contain the explosion in me, watever i do, my mother is so unhappy with me, when im really trying to b nice, she takes it as i'm doing it with a motive, dunno wat she thinking can, just cos at the end of the day, i was tired and kept sighing, she was so bloody unhappy lah!wat's wrong?after a long day out, when meet them, i just look restless, also kanna say by her,i cannot take it lah!everything also arghhh!!!fuck lah fuck lah!feeling so irritated sia!arghhhhh!!Ask me use my brain, y must buy so expensive thing to to reward myself,i'm stupid lah, arghhhh!!Continue getting scolded....


i'm the stupiest kid ever happy???right!!!!everything i buy i must report to them!just told my dad, y everything must tell you?aiyo, not shouting wor,i'm so angry, i just can't say a sorry even, just like yah, if i haf to say a sorry, yah, will b an unwilling one!i gt no right to buy things, haiz, haiz,wat the hell lah!...now everything is about money, money, money.....
all they think is about money, everytime taking gd things fr me, thinking there is a motive behind it..


motive motive motive....*sigh sigh* does my forehead spell 'I am full of motive at the back of my head'????y everytime i get so much scolding and my brother doesn't?y does it always haf to be me comparing with kor then my mother will tell the same thing to him?does this show biasness?i dunno, i dun wan to think anymore, my head hurts...
is my label the cause of my scoldings?
Let me ask you wat is so wrong to b who i wanna be?
is there any wrong?
y can't i live a life of my own,y must i b instructed on how should i live my life?
i'm not their puppet..
neither i'm their servant tt they wish order me around whenever they wan..


Actually my plan for mother's day was to go to a nice resturant to celebrate and even thot of splitting the bill with my bro, and be4 thinking about the treat at the resturant, i thot of getting her a SWATCH watch tt is a special edition only for mother's day tt cost $99...i gt so much nice gifts i wan to gib my mother but i still dunno y i still get so much scolding..


everyone takes me as a cold blooded animal, then i shall continue to be one then. An animal with not a drip of compassion and sympathy! Cos if i change to b a person full of compassion, they will think i'm having loads of motive at the back of my head...if they are going to have tt thot, then i would rather continue b the cold blooded animal right?


No one thinks about my hurts, everyone only think for their hurt!Everyone gets to express themselves, but for me?i dun even get a chance to..whenever my brother gets angry, my mother will not piss him off, (by continuing saying him) but for me?even when my mother knows i'm piss, she will still continue saying and scolding, raising her voice at me...


i'm so heartbroken, so so heartbroken..even the music is unable to calm me dwn...i'm so so hurt..the pain cannot b xpressed...it can't....it will stay in there...and if it stays for long, i'm not certain about wat might happen...


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