Haben been blogging for awhile.
School had been recently quite busy
had research to do and find
H/w to be done
Though H/w are not handed in on the nxt lesson
But still, i wun wan to cramp everything at the eleventh hour.
Dun wan to experience tt stress again like what i experienced in sec sch.


God noes what happened to my blogskin.
couldn't care less about it.
Anyway, haben been feeling gd these days.
Feeling so outcasted.
Just trying to look happy at school.
back at my room, all the emotions would flow outa me.
Happiness filled the air around me.
Execpt me.
The loneliness i often experience.
Though frends often say they will b there to help you.
But?
They have their own life,
They haf their own happiness to settle
This and that.
Where would they find time for you?


Just when i wanted to care for that sum1 special to me
tt person had to.....
It feels like i've gotten a slap.
A slap to wake me up from my dream.
That dream was so so beautiful
Despite the reality in between tt pretty dream.
I loved the dream.
But now i gt snap outa the beautiful dream.
I dun ask for much.
I just wan to return to tt dream.
cos Only tt dream can cheer me up.
To keep me going for my everyday life.
Tt dream gives me inspiration to draw.
To continue my passion for drawing..
But now?
I tried to lie to myself tt i'm not outa the dream yet.
but its simply too hard.


Friends tt i cared for.
It feels like they're drifting away.
Am i feeling tt way is it bcos they have their own happiness to attend to and not to me?
Or is it bcos at tt moment of time,they are really busy.
All my plans all gone.
Everytime when i wan to aim, to get my goal,
It's always so hard,
I try hard, really hard.
But my goal keeps moving further away.
so far till it's impossible to see.
I hate tt feeling.
I ask for perfection.
But, in tt situation,many would asked me to just shoot
Dun care about wat the outcome would b like.
But i simply can't.


I wish i would b drown with pple
Where my sadness can b hidden everyone's happiness.
To stay in a corner.To watch the world go by.
The thot of slashing ringed into my mind again.
The thot of drinking to drown everything.
The thot of just working my guts out everyday w/o rest.
To kill myself with as much as hurts as i can get.
and in the wkends, to hide all my emotions away and just b happy infront of my frends.
Is tt possible?
Is all those Possible for me to do?
I'll just work my way out,
To try everything and see what result i'll obtain...






Just get me back into my dream

Righto!!!
had a wonderful day though lessons really was horrible.
We had Basic drawing today.
Sounds easy?Nopes!
Had to learn proportion and tonning!
Normally the artist would start measuring the object first right?
But my this teacher, has to do everything the other way round,
He asked us to draw then measure!
goodness!
Everyone was complaining.
and sure did my back and butt hurt!
It nv feel so gd to have a gd stretch!..
Those pple who wans to try to grow tall,
follow these rules, it might just help,
1)stretch often
2)walk straight, dun hunch.
Yups, these are the 2 i can suggest.
yeah!


after lessons ended, God decided to give me alittle shower of blessing.
Thank you GOd for the rain!
Gee, i really love the rain, the coldness,
I'm able to sleep well everynight with the gd weather God provided.
Right, okay back to the topic,
Li Li n I had to go to NAFA shop to beg the aunty to give us plastic bags for our sketch bk.
Thank God sent fiona down,
Haha, w/o fiona, i'm darn going to get wet.
Fiona, Yushan and I headed to the MRT while LiLi heads home by bus.
Met Evon today to pass her a letter.
So I called didi out too.
Yups, Thank you Evon for the lunch again!
Dined in at Thai xpress.
I finally had my Tom yam seaford with glass noodles,
Evon had Beef noodles.
yups!Evon also ordered caramari
yups! Was really full.
Enjoyed every single bit of it.
The taste of spicyness and sourness, Gee!so SHOIK!
hahaha, yups!
After not long, Didi came dwn to meet us,
Had ice-cream ar Galarer(dunno how to spell)
yupS.Shared with didi, the portion was really Big!
Then walked around suntec,
then again walked to marina,
Then yups! head home by bus.
Evon took the train.
Yups.
yeah, tt's my day.
Tml i'll b dying.
Heavy heavy weight!
the amount of materials i'll have to bring will weight alot!
tml bring my art file (size=A2)
yups!okay tt's about it,
i'll need to do research now.
Sunday going to skye's house to bake cookies.
Quickly bake cos she going to move house,
dunno if still gt a chance to bake anot.
wahahahaha.yups!
Love you all!
Esp you!

Re-living The Days Of Pain
y did i say tt?
today went out with di, evon, and evon's 2 other frends.
we sat at esplanade, and then the 2 girls were drawing, while evon was conselling di about matters.And for me, i was daydreaming, trying to find things to do.
then one of the girl named phoebe, she asked me if i know how to draw a pic of a person slashing her own wrist.
Sounds familiar isn't it?
yups, i did drew it out.
As i drew the pic,
My heart pumped really fast.
y?cos i was re-living the moments of pain that was caused by my past.
Really painful!
the wound is now open again.
I feared of the days when i cried myself to sleep.
I feared of the days when i see my Eeyore, i would tear.
I've thot my days of hurting had been long gone.
But nv would i expect to experience it again.
-sigh sigh-
What a day...
Pain is all i feel.
Slashing, will it do it's job again?
i dunno,
i guess probably not.
But how then do i cure that pain which is lingering in my heart now?
am i numb?or am i just plain dumb?


will i get what i wan?
will i be able to stop what will b coming my way?
will i this will i tt?
..i seriously dunno..
i guess i'm numb.


didi's now in a state of depression,
i can't find her,
i'll guess i'll just isolate for awhile
and then come back pa..



isolation it will be

Haven't been blogging for quite awhile,
had been so caught up with school these few days
Well today is already my 3rd day at school.
Things are running smoothly
Just that I have one complain to make.
THE SCHOOL SYSTEM IS DARN BAD!
today we had to choose our course, choose either printmaking or inkpainting (for 2D) and metalsmitting, ceramics or scrupture (for 3D).So we had to pick one from each both 2D and 3D.I wanted to take Printmaking and scrupture.However, the scrupture class closed already, due to the limited amount of student they intend to take in.Yups.
So i chose printmaking and ceramics.
I hope the course wun be as difficult as i tink.
i dun think i'll have a problem in printmaking, cos my frend tell me tt is sumthing like papercut.so yups, not a problem, the only thing is ceramics.I hoping God will bless me that i'll pass for my ceramics course.
I hope things will just turn out right.


today we had principal of design, Shessh,the teacher was boring, he toked for 1 and a 1/2hrs. and at the end of a day, we didn't really do much, We had to buy more materials.-deep sigh-
yups, nxt lesson was figure drawing for 3 hours.Oh my goodness, for the whole of 2 hours, my eyes was so heavy, and i couldn't sit still. They were teaching us BIOLOGY! about bones and muscles.Haiz.Man, i'm so tired.


at 2.30 we had to quene to get for our course, haha, our whole class sososo NOTTI!hahah, we all junk quene, wahahah-evil laugh-..
Oh well, but we still made it, lucky, if not, we wun be able to take the class we wanted.*thank God*.
okay, tml i gt tutorial on HISTORY OF VISUAL ARTS.i hope i wun sleep,Tml need to buy summore materials!.
My art materials are so EXPENSIVE.
i'm about to declare BANKRUPT!


tired, tired tired

Yesterday went out with skye and han han +han's frend.
well, apologise to both skye and hanhan, really apologise,
didn't mean to reck both of ur happy day,
really sorry -Bows to apologise-


We sat at Merlion's park.
When the waves hits the steps,
Memories just hits me back again.
Or sumhow or rather at times, my mind just went blank.
I couldn't control my mind from going back to the past
It just wouldn't stop.
Its so hard.
The meeting was cancel due to the other's party busy work
well, i guess there wouldn't be another meeting the both of us,
cos tt person wun even b bothered to make another appt.
This goes to show that the person isn't eager for what the person wans to do.
Forget it.
So many times i've done the eagerness,
That person is simply careless about what tt person is eager for.


haiz, everyone had been telling me not to think so much
But whenever i walk on the street,
Something will just strike me
and the past will automatically return.
Things are just in such a bad state.


worried and worrys
school, frends, tt person that couldn't careless about me.
Argh, i'm about to xplode.
so many reponsibilities to fufill
to make everyone happy.
Or even so , even if pple are happy
what's in my heart are certainly not happy thots
Nor really happy
every smile and laughter hung on my face has it's sadness and hurts behind it.


I'm tired,
I need to find a place to rest
to keep my mind off all these sad past.
to find a new life
haiz, But the past had been so dear to me that i wun like to let it go.
It's just so hard to let it go....

trying to let things go

Had my orientation today.
I can describle in 1 word. "BORING"
I'm in 1W, the second last class totally depressing
Class consist of 24 students.
Pple are okay.
Just that as usual the guys being alittle JERKY
But the rest are really okay.
At least our class can mix around equally,
unlike sum other classes.
Yups, Saw shimin on the bus when i going to school.
A mate to go to school with me?
haha, so no more loneliness!..


Saw Debbie, Abang's frend.
Yups, made plenty of new frends..
yeah..But i dun think they will b following me thruout my 3 yrs in studying.
Y cos, the 2nd yr you will haf to major in sumthing tt you wan,
and then there will be a re-grouping of classes again,
so yah..i guess frendship will be not deep?
Shallow?like in secondary school?
Gee, i really kinda miss sec frends..
Memories memories.
How memories can cause one's heart to ache.
yups,
Mon will be starting school officially
and for the first wk, will just b briefing tt's all.

Right, Let's begin to blog!
-ready, get set.....GO!!-


okay, enough of craps.
went out today to meet my 2 dearest docs, Garcia and Shazia + the little cutie pie, Susie. HAhaha.
Right.Had lunch at Novena Sq.
I had popiah and the rest had burger king.
I was broke tt's why..


headed back to my ex workplace,
returned my uniforms
and then headed to the pantry.
Every1 was as usual acting bz, but certainly NOT
hahahah.Right.okay, let's continue.
Sweet Angelica took the HER world mag for me, Thanks dearie!!
okay okay..
didn't really stay long cos, every1 had work to do,
so i left about nearing 2pm.
Waited for my 133 bus, and here i am
Tonight will be another round to go out.
I'll need to go for the meeting.
-darn-
Right, okay NO1 force me into it,
i've self volunteered.
NO complaints accepted.
GEE..really worried about tml.
I'm getting orientated already.
The school haf like sum Disco party (for above 18 yrs only)..
hahaha..so funny, machiam like they serve alcohol?
will they?I doubt.IT'S A SCHOOL FOR GOODNESS SAKE!
will i go?i'm above 18..hahaha..
See if there r frends that wanna go check it out.
i might be tagging along?
hahaha..


Hope after my 3 yrs of studies.
i'll come out more confident and mature.
hmm, not saying i'm not mature now.
i'll still need to grow as my age runs up the ladder isn't it?
if not i'll still be having a Kid's mind.
Which i tink i would'nt like to haf.
Right..


meeting Nicholas at 7pm at Somerset MRT control station.yups!
After that will haf to walk up to Uncle siew mun's house.
Hope the meeting will nt b too late..
hahahaha..okay that's about all,
gee, what am i to do now?
really bored.
dun wanna sleep..
tonight i must certainly sleep early.
Tml will haf orientation..
ANYONE KNOWS WHAT TO BRING FOR ORIENTATION?
probably i'll just bring a notebk and a pen?
will that do?
yah, maybe tt's all..
yups!..


okay yups!..
-finishes the bloggin, all dismissed-

My New Crumpler Bag

My New Crumpler Bag
Originally uploaded by princess_57.

Heyhey!-smiles from ear to ear-
This is my New Crumpler Bag
It's dark grey/white.
Loved it-kisses my bag all over-


Today met Abang, and Ah gong tagged along.Man that Abang famous for being LATE!Make me wait until SOooOOooOOoOOo Long!-knocks Abang's head-Make me so so Hungry,But in the end ended at KFC. And didn't i say that I was very hungry?I only ate very little..the rest gave it to Abang and Ah Gong to finish up for me.Darn i was really full.
After lunch at Taka , Abang and Ah Gong gt sumthing on.So sweet of them, they fetch me to the MRT station.yups, and there, i'm home now..
Really happy that i gt my BAggy now..
*smile smile*

*yippy!*
FINALLY i'm getting my CRUMPLER BAG!
Haha, will be going out with my Abang today!
After such a long wait, i'll get to see her!
I've really Missed her plenty plenty..
-Jumps for joy-


My tummy is feeling weird.
I've been having many tummyaches since yesterday.
Did i have something I'm not suppose to have?
Oh well, Nvrm, I'll take it as a Detox sessions.
-giggles and looks happy-
I've suggested to Skye that we should go for a swim at least twice a wk
and jogging once a wk,So all in all, we will be exercising 3 times a wk.
Healthy and Good
Oh anyway, I Know that after i enter NAFA
I'm bound to put on weight.
That's because i'll always be sitting down
If i dun start to exercise to lose all those fats that i've gain over the yrs
I'll be having some heart diease In time to come.
Rather not.


Food will be cut down..
and blah blah blah, all those neccesary stuffs to Know about slimming and keeping fit!
Right, will be meeting abang at 2pm at orchard.
Hahhahaha.Gee..i can hug her again!*yippy*..
she's really a nice person to cuddle to.
Hahaha...sorry ar abang, I've describe you till like that.
-apologises quickly before i get whacked-..
BROKE BROKE..


my pay will only come this friday..
Gee..tml is thursday and i'll have to go for the meeting.
will meet nichloas and then go from there.
Haiz.
-sians sians-..
will have to rack my brains again...
oh well, better start racking now better than not doing so..
*smile smiles*

Suffered backaches the whole day.
Probably due to the exposure of my back when i'm sleeping.
Moreover, due to the cut of electricity,
I laid on the floor to sleep for a while..
yups, but thanks to my mother, she helped me rub and massage my back
and it feels so much better now.


I guess, i'll let natural take it's course
What will be mine will be Mine
and What will not be mine, even how hard i'll cling onto it,
At the end of the day it will Never be mine.


As i've mentioned I'll be starting school soon
I'll be posted to class 1W the class name alone is depressing
*sigh sigh*..okay,
will be orientated on this coming friday..
toodles to all

Eletricity failed


today our house's eletricity was out for 3 hrs 45 mins,
due to the re-wiring for the upcoming lift that will be allocated near my doorstep.
Everybody, i'm proudly announcing i'm gonna b a lazy pig in futre!
-laughs laughs-


I was at home the whole day.
Lazing around + slacking
No eletricity= no wind from the fan.
Was literally suffering from the heatwave!
almost got cooked.
in the end, i had a manual fan.
had to fan myself to cool myself down.


i'm darn bored!
This friday will be my orientation,
enter school nxt mon..
everyone wish me Gd luck??
Sheesh, the house is in a darn mess,
so noisy with kids crying, fighting,
imagine the image!
I NEED QUIETNESS here?
darn tt HEN!
screams like sum mad woman just bcos she loses a game!damn it!
feel like slapping her!
such a loserfied!


The freaking heat is causing me to b heated up!
arghhh!!EVERYTHING IS GOING ALL WRONG!
darn it man!
This fri i'll be getting my pay..
heehee, then maybe i can get my bag?
falalalalalala-in high spirits-..
okay tt's all man...
need to get ready to game with neopets!

Rejections, hurts hitting me all over..
i'm really confused nowadays,
things ain't going the way i've planned
i presumme if one doesn't accept for the fact for what've happened to me in my past,
i presumme the rest of the population will do the same thing.
wun they?


Just when you're looking out for somthing nice,
Just when i thot there was a paradise to rest in, to nurse my wounds fully,
I gt kicked out and rejected.
It's painful, GOD!y are you doing this to me?
Haven't i done ur will?
Haven't i done wat you always wanted me to do?
Y can't you gib me the paradise i wanted?
Y must there b signs of rejection?
Good feelings are all gone
Instead it's being replaced with hurts + extra hurts..


Y must all these happen to me?
i'm unable to take the blow!!
GOD I HAD ENOUGH!WOULD YOU STOP GIVING ME SO MUCH!
I'M NOT ABLE TO TAKE IT!!
STOP IT!!
i'm already weak and wounded,
y must you still torture me in this way?
the smiles, the laughter are all fake..
ALL FAKE you noe?
inside me are full of hurts,
thots of hurts, thots of saddness...
i'm feeling heavy,
heavy burdened in my heart..
can sumone tell me, y must i face rejection when i saw the paradise?


I'm SOO CONFUSE!!!
sum1 can you untie all my knots in my head??
pls pls, stop torturing me!!
i'll just isolate,
isolate, to slowly untie all those knots..


Do i always haf to lie to myself to find happiness?
y must my happiness all b actually a pack of lies that i tell myself to comfort myself?y must i do tt?
it's so painful!
so so painful!
will any1 understand my pain?
it's really really pain..
really pain...
struggling to catch my breathe when God has to throw me rejections..
can't he let me have my honey water be4 i continue my race?
y?y?
i'm upset, hurt again..
........


y are pple ard me always so happy?
y am i the only person to rant and rave about my sadness
n how i always get hurt..
am i so weak inside?
haiz...
...mayb i'm just tt pa...

went out today.
watched intial d.
Movie was okay
not speedy enough for me,
enjoyed the show.
walked the whole of orchard
met alot of church pals
went to see crumpler bags
went to choa chu kang to play pool
cos everywhere was packed
came back around 7+
was tired,
had dinner,
had bathe
and now on the comp..
mood isn't gd,
sorry..

lonely..i'm so lonely..


sumbody!!
i'm so darn bored with LIFE!!
so meaningless..
i need spice, heat and everything nice!..
geee
I just tt i cannot take lonely life..
maybe after when i start school i wun feel this temporary loneliness already...
I have this strong urge to turn back..
to b wat i was..
but..i tink i dun haf to chance to already?


haiz..everytime when i hear one sad chinese or eng song..
it makes me think of tt person..
memories will start to flatter back into my mind.
Taking my mind off all these things are simply NOT EASY!
Esp the good memories that we've created,
things we used to do together,
it seems that person is so far away now,
incontactable, unreachable,
just Far away,
i really don't know if this kinda treatment is good for me,
but all i noe it's torturing me slowly.


I've hurt that person quite abit,and so has that person hurt me,
we had the far share of it,and..nevermind.
everytime when i sleep, the eeyore that is on my bed,
will remind me of that person,
when i hug the eeyore in my arms, my heart aches.
When will i not feel the aches anymore?


anyway, i toked to johnston on the phone till 2am in the morning.
I must have tortured him yesterday,
he wanted to sleep and i kept saying No
-evil me ain't i?-
yups!
We were catching up on many things.
laughters were heard, and yups, sure had a fair side of the serious talking!..


will be meeting Him, Abang, Susie, Garcia And Shazia soon..
can't wait to get my pay to get my CRUMPLER BAG!!!!!!
I'm so in love with that BAG!
had been wanting it to buy it for the LONGEST TIME!,
finally this month i'll get it!*smile smile*
okay, i'll blog more..waiting to get bathe and to go meet my parents..
darn, no money, which mean i cannot buy clothes,
i saw 2 very very nice skirts from ZARA..
*sigh*..

today my apptite not gd,
only had a regular yougurt..
didn't wanna eat much..
haiz, nth else to blog..
haiz...wonder how is girl girl...
tried calling her quite a number of times but she just nv pick it up!..
haiz...

Me @ Max Brenner Pic 1

Me @ Max Brenner Pic 1
Originally uploaded by princess_57.

Feeling much better already!!..
Thank you everyone for the concern and care,
Yesterday was the night i didn't drop a single tear..
my heart is almost healed with the constant care and laughter frends had all given me..
i really thank you all very very much!


After the sakae with sue, i had a sore throat..
after the sore throat As usual, i started to have alittle flu..+ getting from both hannah and Ruth..
n now, i'm starting to have a slight cough..
it's tickling my throat to cause me to cough at times..
but this cough is tolerable..


everyone seems to have this virus..
hmmmm INFECTIONS BATERIAS!
everyone must b careful alrighto?
must drink plenty of water i order not to get it yeah?
POLY students are having their xams soon,
so must not fall sick yeah?


yesterday night, we cancelled CG
and then headed to chomp chomp with my aunt from aust..
had plenty of food..hahaha..
and big big glass of sugarcane juices..
my mummy gt really scared just because of the size of cup..heehee..
i had one big one, mum and dad had one big one..aunt had a small one..
heehee... i finished about 4/5 of it and the rest was given to my daddy..


every since my aunt came,
i didnt sleep well, cos..i'm sleeping on my mum's bed..
didn't get use to it..not comfy enough i must say..
i had to wake up in the middle of the night to crack my back..
it's so uncomfortable..
hope i get my bed back soon..
just haf to tolerate for another 2 more days..
and GOD knoes when is my ORIENTATION for my school..
sumthing is telling me, they forgotten about ME!!!..
*hymph*..
sigh sigh, i really hope they didn't forget about me..*sob sobs*..
i ever get a nightmare tt they forgotten about me...and then when i went to school,
they suddenly told me i wasn't accepted into the school!!!!...


wat a horrible nightmare isn't it?
eee..dun wanna think about it anymore..
okay tt's abt it...

yesterday yet another night of crying,
the moment my head touches the pillow..tears starts to flow..
i kept crying non-stop..
i just couldn't sleep..
haiz...heart was really aching..
every part of my house reminds me of tt person..
tt person used to put me to bed,
used to sing songs to me to put me to sleep whenever i cannot sleep..
to protect me from the frightening thunder and lightening..
now?i've lost tt person..


everything is gone, i've officially lost the battle..
i've lost it due to my choice i've made..
hurts feels me all over..
i'm hoping God will heal all my hurt and wound..
to grant me peace and to have me being happy again..


Love really hurts..
Nothing can replace tt person..
i've now gt to live alone
to manage my life alone..
all i feel is loneliness..
emptiness..
quietness..
hurts..
aches..
plentiful of confusions...