Saturday, December 23, 2006

my HOLIDays are here..
and just when i was enjoying my first day of holiday..
my MUM had to RUIN it as usual!!
WAT THE FUCK!!!
went out watched a movie,"eragon"..nice show though..
hahaha, was totally embrassed about today, cos we didn't noe we sat in the wrong cinema..
then when a couple came in and ask if we gt our seats right (cos we had the same seat number and alphabet)
both of us felt darn darn weird, cos how can they make such a mistake by giving them the same seating number...
and when they asked, wat cinema is this, we both answered confidently tt it was cinema 5..hahaha but less than we noe we were seating in cinema 6 all along..wahahahaha..
then the malu part had to come, the couple went to the nxt one to double check which cinema they went into and true enuff tt we made a mistake and they didn't..oh my..MALU sia..there were many pple in the cinema le..hahahaha..this is so freaking malu man...oh well, human do make mistakes dun we?
we quickly ran into correct cinema this time..hahaha..enjoyed the show..
my gosh, saphhire the dragon was soo cute when she just hatched outa the blue shell, when everyone thot was just a blue stone..hahahaha..her eyes were so huge...and big and round..man its cute and the best part is IT"S BLUE!!!!..you guys go watch..is a very nice movie..


Haiz...went to have sakae at marina sq..walked round and went to ZARA to see clothesl found a couple of clothes..liked a skirt..cos the skirt was light in weight, but didn't get it, maybe when i gt money pa...
went to carrfour to have an intention to get a fruit cake as promise tt i made to my mum as a christmas present, but sad to say, i didn't find any though...so i brought for her this organic bread( i suppose)..and it has fruits in it..gt her the big one, cos i noe she likes this kinda suff..act wanted to buy for her hagen diaz ice-cream cos she nv tried be4..but there she had to ruin my mood man..
after suntec we proceed to chai chee..to meet rinah to just chat chat with her over a cup of tea...cos my tummy wasn't feeling so well, and i needed tea..
then my mum had to call and ask me wat tym i'm coming hm, yesh i noe i was wrong tt i didn't tell her in advance, but if i told her, she would be like y come back so late and she wun allow..so hence the last min things always comes ...
then she started blabbing non stop, and things about me not going to church, when i go out with my frends so much energy, and blah blah blah, is the same things she toks and nags about whenever i dun do her way..i feel i'm her robort..she wans me to turn right i turn right, wan me to turn left i turn left..wat more she wans from me, i had bn very gd already i should say, though sumtimes i can like just be showing her mood swings and everything else tt a normal kid would do...throw temper and etc..i dun take drugs, i dun steal, i dun murder, i dun do anything tt is criminal!!i'm not a alcoholic even though i do drink, she thinks i dun have a limit??!!!i do feel if its like late then i will think of going hm, i wun purposly stay out late i dun get use to it...i noe when i wanna come hm...
The air im breathing in my hs is getting so stale tt i dun wish to breathe anymore....when she goes out with a.agnes and gang, she can stay out late..everytime will meet and go out together..gt so many things to tok..for me, when i go out with my frends, say i wanna stay out and tok tok also cannot, she will say wat so many things to tok??!!!!she tok can lah, i tok cannot lah!!Wat the FUCK!!!!wat kinda fucking stupid logic is tt??!!!!i human i dun need to tok to my frends!!??you might as well lock me up in a far away place like sum fairy tale stories lah!!!FUCK LAH!!!
My frends ain't bad, my frends aint they way you think they are..STOP being so judgemental!!..you dun see me doing all those bad things do you??!!!Just bcos they have sum things you think bad pple have doesn't mean they are one..doesn't mean they dun have a face of a kind person doesn't mean they are bad..dun you noe innocent looking pple are murderers theifs robbers drugs dealer, drug addictor??!!!!come on...wake up wake up..wat pt you see in me to make you think i;m mixing with the wrong company?i ain't stupid, i aint blind.yes i do bang into walls in life,but tt's just life...you can't be protecting me all my life??how long you wan to control me where i wanna go and wat i wanna do?yesh i noe you're my mother, i do respect you..wat i wanna do for you, you just dun see, you only see my bad pt, you pick on my bad pts, you nv praise me for wat i do for you..you think im heartless, i dun care about you..act i do care..i do...just tt you dun see...
i still rmb clearly tt when you told me you thot i was heartless was at harbourfrnt int bossini the changing rm, ur feet was bleeding caused by the broken blisters cause by the new pair of shoes you wore..you couldnt place the plaster properly n i offered to help..then you utter the words" i thot you was heartless"..frm then on i knew wat you thot about me, you thot i was heartless..you thot i didn't care when i act did..
from tt day, feeling so disappointed..i didn think of caring about you, or even when i wan to show, i would certainly think twice..cos wat i do, you would no longer appreciate..and when i do sumthing special you think i have a motive..when i act i dun, only wanting you to be happy...
i have my own thinking, i have my own personality..haiz..i dunno lah..i feel so fucked up and so tired of arguing with my mother about matters tt wun go anywhere...and it always ends up with no conclusion and everything else..Fuck with it and i dun wish to care about it anymore!!..
another thing Stop pusing me to go church when i dun feel like going, cos if i go is to only like oblige you..and not outa a willing heart..i dun wish to lie to you tt i wan to go church..no offences but Godly pple still do make mistakes..for those pple who are reading this and are christians, i gt no offence, pls do forgive me if i offended you in anyway..but i dun wish to lie to myself and to God..which i tink is the right thing to do..i'm not ready to go back to Him..i dun wanna just show my face and worship Him on the outside but act my mind and heart is sumwhere else..cos i tink is not fair for God..cos i noe when God gives attention, he gives 101%..he wun give less..he will only give more..and is not fair for such a nice person like God..

I dun wish to be her robort 247, having to have listen to her watever she wans me to do..sorry i cant..i just can't..
mummy you nv understand ur daughter here...
you say y do i have so many things to tok about??when i wanna tok to you, you wanna sleep..you wun bother about me, you just continur reading ur book..when i tok in the middle of the night or the wee hrs in the mrning you will be scolding me crazy..y do i find pple to tok to me?cos i gt no1 to tok to...
i'm jus wanna be a normal gurl to hang out with frends, to sit at cafes to laugh and enjoy the times with my frends..i had enuff of my school work and the stress i face in school, y can't i enjoy time with my frends?i can only have frends in church??you think everyone who goes to church are all gd??you presume they are gd, cos they all go church right???Oh pls, they are also human...doesn't mean my frends who doesn't go church are bad..they have a gd heart..they do...they care for me, they are the ones to tell me to study hard hard..dun be like sum of them who regret tt they are playful in the past and nv do well in educational wise..they teach me gd things..
in ur eyes, am i such a sinner???

am i??

am i??

am i??

i can't take it anymore....pls dun torture me anymore..

Friday, December 08, 2006

Had been feeling drained out this whole wkend, it felt as if i was being tortured by all the work i have on hand...
the deadlines i've to meet, they are simply too much for me to handle..
i just need my rest and sleep...
sigh, i wish i could do my work when i'm in my sleep, so then i can do both things at one go..
right right right, i noe if life was tt simply easy, then it wouldnt be address as LIFE right?
okay, i noe, waking up from my crappy idea and my dumb logic...

feeling kinda weird in my feelings though..
sigh, it feels like there are just butterflies in my tummy and feeling uncertain of wat i may face in my near future,
would i just break dwn and die and cry and collapse?only having my frends and loved ones to see me at my funeral?
hahaha..toking crap again..but it's true, these had been running thru my mind...

today had plans to visit the pet farm located at pasir ris, ended up a called came from my uncle saying tt my grandma admitted to hospital..
she was semi-conscious due to the high blood and low sugar...
visited her at changi general hospital, i'm about to xplode when i hear tt place!!!
The Service is DARN SUPER BAD!!!
the stuffs are like SHIT!
oh gosh, how can a patient ever get gd treatment?
FAINT!
and the ward tt my grandma's stays feels like we are in a hospital during war time where they just use a warehouse as a temp hospital!!
there ain't any partition by wals, their partition was bY CURTAINS!!!
imaginE!!my grandma lying dwn on one of those beds..and in the aftnn it gets super super stuffy!!
how can the patients breathe?
when the nurse serve my grandma food, they didn't even lift my grandma up, they just left it there and dah..tt's all, they turn their backs and just walk off!!!
wat in the world tt means??!!!!!WTF!!!

anyway, we stayed and my mum fed my grandma porriage with chopped finely cabbage and fish fillet..my mum fed my grandma while i help mashed up the fish so tt my grandma could swollow easy...
my grandma looks so small now compared to last time when she was staying with us..
though she was irritating at times with her screaming and her endless acussation about my mum having to take her things and everything else..she looks so fragile now..
she made me realise anything can happen within a min or even a second..
life is just fragile while we youngsters are wasting our life doing stupid things...


left CGH and headed to simei to have dinner at burger King, and to see the doggies..
hahaha, the bulldog is just simply CUTE!! though i tink tt bulldogs are all ugly looking creatures due to their features..
but this bulldog face was simply looking serious and frowning away but his eyes are just way way big staring at you..hahaha, imagine a pair of cute eyes and a serious and frowning face..AWWWWW awesomly CUTE!!!
they also had Corgi which i really love, even my mum likes them..but sad to say they are not allowed to be kept in HDBs..*sigh sigh wat a pity*, saw also toy poodles, Scottish terrier (i like them also, cute and short and looking all black and hairy..hahahaha...) saw the common shiz tzu, maltese and also mini schnauzer and also huskys..

simei was just plain boring,sigh sigh,,nth much to walk in there though.
was so tempted to get my tt pair of white heels from pazzion or tt pair of nice floral heels at charles and keith..anyone so nice to sponsor??i wanna get a jumpersuit also,,.but dunno where to get nice ones, pls dun ask me to try bugis street cos i dun fit any of their sizes there, i noe i;m just fat..yeah..so pls dun tok about tt place when i wanna get clothes, i'll feel just to demoralise...

oh well..tt's about all, better start getting on with my work, haben dne anything in the day and now i've gt to work hard to finish as much work as i can be4 i loose my sleeping time..tml still gt to wake up early..
tml will be celebrating my grandma's Bday at SP (My dad's side), i so wanna wear my zara blouse, jeans skirt and tt white pair of shoes tt i fallen in love with it...
hahaha though the heels are higher than any of them i had, i still like them...hahaha thinking tt i cant walk properly in heels for NUTS!!!..i've bn walking on flats for the past dunno how many trillion yrs ever since i learned how to walk...
hahahaa..so yeah..i'll look funny and uncomfortable wearing them...hahahaha..oh yeah and did i mention i wann get tt pair of heels but so afraid of blisters cos my previous pair gave me about 2 bleeding blisters...*ouch*.
yeah it's super painful pls...

okok enuff said..
oh yeah any1 noes how to change the colour of frendster pls tell me how k?
the bloody system in frendster have changed and i'm so lost in how to changing the colour...
*screams and Roars and throws rocks*...
DAMN IT!!!...



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